As a young girl, drawing was my escape from reality. I loved getting lost in the lines and satire. Nevertheless, as I grew older, I became my own worst critic. I didn't feel like a real artist because I was simply copying, not creating, I never could let my imagination lead my hands.
So, I decided to explore other creative channels like display design, where I could let my imagination flow.
However, life took me on a different path, I came to London to learn English and while my dream of getting into art school in Hungary started to fade, I started to enjoy my life in London and, eventually, drawing became a thing of the past.
Years later, I felt a deep urge to start drawing again, but I didn't know where to begin. It felt like a part of me was missing, and I couldn't shake the feeling. So, I enrolled in Betty Edwards "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" course, a five-day program that promised to teach me how to draw a self-portrait by end of the course using different techniques throughout the days.
As it turned out, the course was much more than just a drawing class. Throughout the days, I witnessed fellow course mates breaking down and crying. I couldn't understand why, as I was enjoying the experience so much. I felt a sense of satisfaction that I hadn't felt since my school years. But, something unexpected happened on the final day.
As I looked at my self-portrait photograph and tried to copy and draw what I saw, I couldn't do it. Instead, a man was looking back at me from the paper. I kept erasing and correcting the measurements, but the image remained the same. It was a moment of realisation - I had been living my life like a man, and my masculine energy dominated my existence.
The shock hit me like a ton of bricks, and I didn't know how to process the information. What did it mean? What should I do with it? This event triggered a personal discovery journey that hasn't been easy, but it has taught me a lot about myself.
I took the "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" course again in 2017, and it was a completely different experience. This time, I knew what to expect, and I was able to focus on the drawing and the emotions it brought up. It was a reminder that we can always learn and grow, even in areas we thought we knew everything about.
As you can see, I was not able to complete my first self-portrait back in 2010. However, I had finished the second one and I was pleased to look at it. The picture is a reflection of me, the me I became friend with in the last several years.❤️
In conclusion, the "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" course taught me more than just how to draw. It opened my eyes to parts of myself I had been ignoring and allowed me to start a journey of self-discovery. I learned that sometimes, we need to step out of our comfort zones and explore new avenues to find what we are truly looking for.