I think my grandma is living with me.
I don’t know… she might not be… but I also don’t really see a path to her going home.
My grandma will be 99 in January. She owns a walk up top floor condo that she lives in on her own (grandpa died in 2003). She is my mom’s mother. Grandma is an only child. Mom is an only child. I am an only child. So her family is me, my husband, mom and dad.
She is incredibly healthy for almost 99.
Before covid (when grandma was 94) she would go out to breakfast every day, and totally took care of herself. My mom was healthy then (before being bedridden by cancer), so if grandma needed anything (escort to doc’s appointments, home repair, etc) mom and dad would help. But back then grandma didn’t need much.
So covid happens. Mom’s cancer happens. Grandma becomes totally isolated. Except for seeing me. I would go shopping with her. And started taking her to her doctor appointments.
Grandma is maybe 5 feet tall on a tall day. So very tiny generally. But the stress of everything thing with mom… The isolation brought by on by covid… Grandma lost weight (was down to 90lbs from 120) and generally became more frail.
Grandma also can’t hear well at all. So can’t talk to anyone on the phone. (Oddly she can only hear my dad’s voice). So getting things accomplished has gotten harder for her every year.
Grandma still drove her car up til the start of this year. (Luckily only one block to the store). I would ask her not to shop without me, but she would go anyway. However, she started to get too tired to carry her groceries up the stairs. She has also started falling the last year and has gotten some big bumps on her head because of it.
Anyway, grandma gave up driving (finally) and is going to let me sell her car. So I have been taking her grocery shopping every 2 weeks.
On October 28 I had dad call grandma to arrange the time I would pick her up on the 29th to shop. We found out late that night that her power had been out for 3 days! And she had just been under a blanket with a heating pad trying to stay warm. 🙁
I went over on the 29th. Her place was freezing and I brought her to my house. It was our intention she would go home when the heat was fixed. (My husband had left town for a work trip to India on October 28, and isn’t home until tomorrow.)
Anyway, having grandma here… her frailty became more apparent. I knew it was there, but I can see it more with her here all day. I am also the only person who ever sees her since mom is bedridden and dad is always with mom. So when grandma’s heat was fixed on Halloween, she didn’t seem to want to go home. It is a lot of effort for her to get dressed and even leave the house.
Having her stay a bit longer seemed fine. I figured she would probably go home before my husband was back from his business trip. But I’ve been kind of worried that grandma wouldn’t want to leave. At the same time, I’ve worried sending her home isn’t really in her best interest.
However, last week it was just her sleeping here. Me feeding her. Me calling my parents to say… grandma really shouldn’t be on her own anymore. And no one really knowing what to do with that reality.
Until she started feeling unwell.
I had to take grandma to the doctor earlier this week as she was in a bit of pain. Aside from helping with her troubles, the doctor let me know grandma only weighs 73 lbs! Which is a BMI for her of 14! She lost 27 lbs since last year. I was also assigned some personal care tasks post doctor visit… It it the kind of stuff you might do for a baby, but don’t really want to do for your grandma.
I am feeling really overwhelmed by the whole thing.
So I have suddenly gone from having an overnight guest who has overstayed, to being a caregiver. And I don’t know if this is temporary or long term. While I think grandma is realizing home isn’t the best for her, I do not think she is ready or wanting to live in a facility.
Her ideal situation would probably be living here with some kind of nurse/caregivers coming around. Selfishly… I don’t think her ideal situation is my ideal situation. But I don’t really know how to broach that, so am just playing things by ear for now.
