Sunday, the 4th of December 2022 [15]
My oh my! I think I just discovered another animal living inside of me. Bear in mind this was all happening yesterday… on a Saturday!
You guys already know Ernesto, right? I discovered Ernesto lives inside me rent-free last year. I wrote all about him HERE if you fancy a longer read. For other donkey landlords, who don’t wanna make an effort, here is a short version of the story.
#Ernesto is the donkey that lives inside me. He’s the kind of donkey that will doodle in the work meetings. He is a playful happy chappy that wants to joke and play, but he doesn’t like deadlines, goals or any form or constrains or productivity measures. He despises them so much, he will do anything to sabotage them. Letting dogs sit on my head and lick my face seems to be an ok thing to do, as long as he’s having fun.
He’s not lazy as such, he can make me do many things that are not lazy at all, but it has to be on his timing and his rules. He doesn’t like other people telling him what to do, not even me! If I set a target for anything, he’ll sure do anything to stop me from achieving it. He’s very creative like that! Truth be told Ernesto could just as well be a cat. Similar kind of attitude.
So that’s Ernesto for you. I know there is also an Ice Queen residing inside me. That one I’ve known for years. Some of my friends told me about her when I was still a teenager. Apparently if they didn’t know me and they would meet me on the street, they would cross the road to avoid walking next to me. Resting bit** face is real on this one!
My salsa friend also told me that on the London salsa scene they call me Ice Queen. Apparently I only smile when I dance with certain people (most likely all my lovers according to them) while I give icy stares to everyone else. This year I introduced the Ice Queen to my coworkers and they love her and are scared of her at the same time!
Well, I can’t deny the existence of this one inside me. She’s my protector. She hides the introverted, shy side of me from being hurt, while making me look like a total asshole. I really don’t mind her. I would rather be an Ice Queen than a grey mouse who hides from everyone. Quality over quantity has always been my motto.
While many people I know practice ‘put the best foot forward’ ideology and always smile to strangers, pretending to be all ‘love and light’, Ice Queen shoots them all with icy needles from the get go. Yes, she sometimes accidentally shoots some nice people too, but if they’re really nice, they’ll eventually manage to melt away the ice and discover a loving, caring and compassionate side of me. That side is reserved for special people :)
The extra perk that comes from melting the Ice Queen’s heart is that from then on she will protect you too. That’s how I end up with some stray cats and dogs in my life, who bite me over and over again, yet I still forgive them and care for them. Then my friends ask me ‘Why do you let them hurt you?’. Well, it’s not me, it’s the Ice Queen. Once she’s in love with them, she can’t help but protect them.
Because once they melted her heart, she is their slave forever. They already know what’s underneath the Ice Queen and they once tamed her and so they just do it again and again. The best way for me to move on from them is to remove them from my life completely. That’s tough, but sometimes necessary.
But hey, today I discovered a new animal and I need your help with picking a name for him/her. That bit** is crazy! She totally ignores my need for sleep! And no, it’s not the Night Owl, that one I already know too. That one is so ME that I don’t even see her as a separate part of me anymore.
The new intruder will wake me up at 6:40am for absolutely no reason at all! Who on Earth gets up at the time when it’s still dark and cold outside when they don’t need to, cause it’s the fluffing weekend?! I could understand if I had a dog and needed to walk him first thing in the morning, but I don’t have a dog. I just borrow my friend’s dogs and then give them back to their owners so they can wake them up early in the morning for a walk. I love my sleep.
I couldn’t believe my eyes when I opened them at 6:40 and realised they actually opened wide. I was getting ready to turn over to the other side, but my brain is wide awake and ready to gooo!
‘Go where?!’ I asked? ‘It’s dark, cold and I barely slept 4 hours! It’s also the weekend! Why are you doing this to me?!’
She’s not listening though. She gets up, goes to the toilet, then takes off dishes from the dryer, notices glasses no longer fit in their cupboard, pulls the chair to stand on and empties the cupboard.
‘It’s also dirty underneath and there are marks on the glasses, so we will clean them all NOW’ she says.
At 7am on the weekend! Who does this? I didn’t even have a coffee yet, but I continue emptying the dryer while the water is boiling for my coffee. Next I open the draw and I see the key to the gas box and I walk straight outside to check my meter readings.
‘What are you doing crazy?! We only give them meter readings like once a year, not every month! Who wants to get an accurate bills instead of getting a huge bill later on?!’ I ask, like a normal person would.
She couldn’t care less. Took the gas reading and electricity too and almost went straight to the app to add them, but luckily Ernesto took over and decided it’s time for a coffee, smoke and play time. Well, Ernesto is clearly enjoying his new Hive adventure, because instead of playing some mindless games he opens Ecency and starts writing THIS article. He even found some cool pics to decorate it!
Wait, what’s happening? The new intruder saw me writing this and she just went and added the readings to my energy company app. I can not believe this. Both of the animals living inside me are now taking over my life. This is mental! If she hears that I bought some tulip bulbs on sale yesterday she will go and plant them today. That would be like the most organised thing that ever happened to me. I really don’t think I can take this! Where are you when I need you Ernesto? Let’s play with pictures!
There is no time to play so it seems. She went to the toilet and saw the mould on the window that I was going to clean last weekend and decided it’s time to deal with it NOW! She took off window nets, cleaned up the window in the hall, in spare bedroom and took off the dirty net in the kitchen too. That one nearly killed me while trying to take it off, as it hasn’t been moved for years and it’s sticky and didn’t want to come out! What if she decides to take off all the window nets and even clean the windows?! I’ll have no energy to dance later at night!
Enough is enough! I need to calm her down with some Bailey’s coffee or else she’ll wear me out! I don’t mind extra energy for drafting a few articles, but this housework stuff is just too much for one day! She even took pictures of the post and send it to my previous lodger to come and collect it! Not fair! There are only 2 letters and waiting at least a month to collect more of them is the right thing to do. She’s messing up my life completely!
Well, too fluffing late! She went and folded the clothes. I only hang them out yesterday! Doesn’t she know they have to mature for at least a few days and then being thrown on the chair maturing for another few days before I fold them? She also saw the floor in the living room needs swapping and I really don't want to do this now. I’m done! Double dose of Baileys, please! That will make her at least a little sleepy!
Well, it didn't. She also went and opened the letter with 0% CC transfer offer and transferred the amount she wanted like straight away. What's next? Is she actually gonna clean up right after eating/drinking? Yep, that happened too. She also booked the ticket for my salsa party in advance and saved £3. Looking at all that is currently happening she might even turn up on time at the meeting point today. They all gonna get a heart attack!
Let’s sum it up then. Who is the new intruder? He/she:
Wakes me up much earlier than my usual waking up time, but not during the weekdays, when it would be welcome, but at the weekends, when normal people like me try to catch up on sleep.
Won’t let me sleep AT ALL if there is too much of an excitement going on, like last weekend after the whole day and night spent in London.
Makes me DO things I usually postpone for as long as possible in hope that they do themselves and I won’t have to do them at all.
Makes me excited about something I don’t know the existence of. Right… now I seem to remember this intruder! He/she used to show up when I was falling in love or having an exciting affair! But I’m not in love? No affair either! Or am I subconsciously falling for someone? Or something? What the heck?
Wakes up my creativity! Like big time. I take pictures, I write, I dance and the results are usually extraordinary. Wait, I think I quite like this intruder 😂
Well, I still need your help guys! Looking at the 5 points above, what animal do you think took over my body this morning? If you were to give it a name, what would it be?
To give you the whole picture, these are the intruders that I already identified:
- Ernesto, the stubborn donkey.
- Cold and protective Ice Queen.
- Night Owl with no name.
So the 4th one has to fit in nicely between the others. I already know she’s friends with Ernesto for whatever reason 😉 Who would be friends with a donkey? Or even a cat? Can you please help me with finding the name for this intruder?
Until next time 💙
| Camera: | iPhone11 |
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| Photographer: |  |
| Editing apps: | NewProfilePic, PicsArt, PicCollage |