For a while now, I've been trying to look inwards and trying to fix some things that needs fixing. It hasn't been easy but seeing that I'm making progress just keeps me going. I'm not getting any older and sooner than later what I'd be taking about mostly would be the man of my dreams, the one I want to call my Mr Right! Finding love hasn't been so hard for me but then I've been so scared to let anyone in completely because I just believe that I'm not ready for it yet.
I've tried it before but then it never ended as I wanted it, in fact at some point I promised myself to stay away from anything relationship because it got to me so badly. So many people ask me more than I can even count if I've ever loved anyone or if I've ever been heartbroken, well I have loved quite a good number of times and I've also been heart broken too. And trust me I do know how it feels but most times it's just in the heat of the moment, as they say time heals all wounds.
Due to how some of my shots at love went, I became skeptical about giving it a try every single time but then love can't be controlled, it is something that does it's thing and you either have to give in or bear the emotional consequences. So many people think they are immune to loving someone but that's not true at all, you've just not find the one person that you should love because once you find that person, your heart just does the rest.
Sometimes it's hard to differentiate between love and lust because the two are almost uncontrollable but one is for good and the other is just bad. Sincerely I do want to love and love wholeheartedly but my fears just keep making me hold back and keep being hurt emotionally and that's all thanks to my past experiences. But that's something I'm working on right now and I've been seeing quite a good progress.
Right now I feel like I've found the man I need to invest all of me into but then I still have some woes that I'm battling with and it just keeps making hold back because what if I'm wrong? The truth is, I'm holding back this much because once I love it's hard for me to let go, well I still let go but it hurts really badly. I'm at the age when almost every guy wants me to be their lady so you can imagine how hard it is for me to make a choice.
But by taking some good time to look inwardly, I'm gradually able to know what I need and what I want so it helps me get my choices right. Although, I still need God to direct me and I'm very confident he would. I'm going to take my best shot at love soon and this time I'm going to make sure to be prepared mentally, emotionally, physically, psychologically and otherwise for the other person. I'm going to get to understand that we both are not coming from the same upbringing and we have to accept whatever challenges comes and deal with it as one.
Really, I shouldn't be talking about relationships now because I have other more important things but then I still need to talk about it because I'm definitely not getting younger and I feel this is the right time to talk about these things so I get myself prepared to a great extent.