Again, I have made a mistake and that has caused me to take a deep retrospection on myself and it hurts to say this but I have come to realize that I’m actually my own problem. Most times, I like to think that I have got things all figured out but the sad truth is that I’m mostly wrong, I mean, I always end up realizing I made the wrong choice again and to me, that is almost not forgivable. It’s fine to make a mistake once, even twice is a bit manageable but not when it’s more than twice, that is not acceptable.
At this point, I feel I just need a really good therapist or at least someone who will be ready to listen to me and be honest with me and also make good suggestions on how I can get out of this cage I feel I’m in. My relationship with people keep getting worse and I thought it was getting better, lol. I guess I was too conscious of not making mistakes but I ended up making more mistakes. When it comes to being in a relationship with people, I have come to realize that I have so much fears and because I categorized on these fears, they most times end up becoming my reality.
Someone once said, you can deceive others but you can’t deceive yourself. I have tried deceiving myself a lot of times and I only ended up making more fool out of myself. Recently, I got to realize that I don’t have a lot of people I talk to anymore, it’s like it’s my world against mine. And looking back, I think I was mostly at fault, I wasn’t really as accommodating as I thought I was and I took things too personal. I have so much flaws lately or maybe I just can’t hide them anymore and here I was thinking I have gotten better, lol.
Maybe it’s because I don’t listen to people or maybe I just don’t have people who are interested in making me a better person. I always like correcting others, especially those close to me, do you know why? It’s because I believe in the passage of the Bible that says, do unto others what you would want others to do to you. I also want to be corrected when I have done something wrong. I can’t really guarantee that I will take the correction but at least I want to know that I have people or someone around me that wants the best for me.
Well, I guess in the end I’m just going to keep looking deep into myself and make the necessary adjustments mostly on my own and stop waiting for someone to tell me what to do first because I know me better than anyone. But it would have made it really nicer if I wasn’t alone. But, like I said, I think I was the one we drove those people who cared about me away so I will have to bear the consequences of that. I really just need to work on my communication skills because it has become wacky lately.
This is a personal reflection post and I’m glad if you read it to this point. Feel free to leave your contributions if you have any.