Those feelings? They are the worst! Imagine waking up and everything around you just seem like it doesn’t matter anymore to you. You lack the drive to do anything right and worst of all, you just want to be left alone. Speaking to anyone seems like a burden on them and then, you just start enjoying that feeling of loneliness and you hate it that someone is trying to bring you out of it even though that is what you want deep down.
How it happens is one thing that is hard to figure out but then it is something that builds up over time. It doesn’t just happen in one day. It is as a result of build up emotions and feelings and there just come that day that you just find yourself losing control of what you feel and how you respond to things as you’d normally do. Lately I was in that state and for some reason I think I might be going back to that state.
Sometimes when life just hits us in unexpected ways it’s hard for us to just be sane afterwards even when we think we’ve got everything in control. I don’t know what exactly my problem is but I do have a problem and I think I might need to see a therapist or something because I might be looking at this too little meanwhile it’s a lot. Life has been fair to me, but I still feel sad and I really don’t know where it is coming from.
Sometimes it hits so hard that I feel so down and pessimistic about almost everything, especially about myself. You know, I think I’m so lucky because this has not been totally overwhelming for me and that is only because I’m lucky enough to have people around me that genuinely care about me. And it’s all because God has brought them to my life for a time like this. My mind plays a lot of tricks with me every now and then and trust me when I say it most times get the most of me.
At times I even begin to question who I am because I turn into someone else (maybe that’s the real me?) I hope not. I feel sad a lot lately and it’s becoming alarming because it seems as if it only gets worsen by the day. Yes, happiness is a choice and I guess that’s why I’ve been going on. But you see this mind of mine, it is so good at the games it plays and it’s just sad that I barely get to win against its negativities.
I’d be fine, yeah, I will in the end. I just have to hold on a little longer, I feel the end is near so, now is not just the time to give up. I don’t even know how to give up no matter how many times I try, I still see myself trying. I know and I choose to believe that in the end of all these, I’d have a lot of stories to share and I will also be able to help others get out of situations like this with ease.
I will take this as my refining process, it definitely has to be it because I just keep feeling like giving up every single time but for some reason, I still keep going. I’m not sure what you are going through, it might be way more than mine but I’m sure you will breakthrough sooner than you think. Today is almost done, tomorrow is a gift that I long for and I hope it comes because it will definitely get better with more presents.
This is a personal journey for me, so it’s fine if you don’t have much to say, I’m just happy you stopped by at least 🤗. This has to be the time to take it slow and steady…