...Almost suddenly he approached me and wrapped me in a hug, and although I was able to forgive with a tightly clenched jaw, his sad sobs could not break the cold iceberg of sentimental fossils that struggled inside me...
A few days ago I was reading something related to the individual perception that each person has about love, that is, I mean any type of human love, and it caught my attention because when we talk about love almost all of us have the same idea, the same way of getting excited and reciprocating, and it would never occur to us that we could receive less when we have given so much unconditionally and selflessly. And that's when reality hits us very hard, leaving behind the false ideal that "we love unconditionally" - including our children - without expecting even a minimum of affection to feed our need to be reciprocally loved. It is very hard to face situations related to heartbreak between couples, but even stronger and more traumatic is to feel abandonment and rejection from our family.
And with blows The soul becomes hard, rough, cold, incapable... incapable of evoking or feeling emotions.
They say people change every ten years. This time allows your brain to structurally readjust. Your perspectives and the reevaluation of your standards and norms can change, even though at its core you remain the same: noble, rebellious, intuitive, optimistic, impulsive, sharp, phlegmatic, explosive, clumsy, loving, and insensitive... as well as the strong emotional connection you feel toward your family, which you believe you should never lose because they are the blood group you come from, and with whom you have developed the most emotional ties... Am I wrong?
It's normal for us to love fairy tales as children, because in addition to the fantasy that teaches to dream, we begin to observe and conceptually understand who the good guys and who the bad guys are, in a romantic way, but one that's tailored to the size of our small, immature, and innocent brains.
In a certain way, if you grow up in a functional home, you will NEVER believe that such things could happen to you, and even though the years pass by ten by ten, your honest and sincere self will always be faithful to what you consider important, above any disagreement: family.
But... what if your loved ones change too much every ten years and "stop loving you"?
A few days ago, a friend told me that her father's family had begun to reject her. My first thought was that she was hiding something from me. But since I've known her for over forty years and know the size of her heart, I didn't doubt her reasons.
When you're family, "you are unconditional." You love unlimited, with many consideration, with special connections, with whatever little or much you have. But, going back to what I first said, unconditional is synonymous with "a space for mutual love." If that fails, the word "unconditional" is empty and rotten with rust. The worst part is that it hurts. It hurts not to understand the isolation, the rejection, the cold, and you begin to discover that you can't deal with such a burden for the sake of your mental health.
But aren't people who are family people? People full of flaws and virtues.
Then the deconstruction process begins to "stop loving," and it's difficult to stop loving overnight. Because for the synthesis and dissolution of love—any love—to occur, the brain's chemical processes are the same, so it takes time, attitude, and personality to get rid of them, or to put them on indefinite hold in a remote corner of your mind.
Time will always be right, and it brings peace.
So, what's better? To live torturing yourself for what you didn't do wrong, or to understand that the best thing for both parties is to move away, even if the distance hurts a lot.
Sometimes we think others will give us love in the same proportion as we have given it, but no one can guarantee that, because not everyone will always be sincere or willing to give the same amount as you give.
Because you simply cannot change people no matter how hard you try, and because nothing you do to please others will ever be enough.
Understanding that you are the center of everything doesn't mean you're an individualist or selfish person. On the contrary, you've learned that adopting a resentment-free attitude is part of your intimate and personal self-care.
We're simply not bad people because people stop loving us. It's not always our fault that they want to push us away, and even if you don't understand it, there's an underlying reason that justifies what's happening, but it's not accessible to your understanding because it originates within "the others."
The healthiest thing to do is cut that family umbilical cord and leave to move on with your life. It's difficult, yes. Complicated situations will continue to arise, too. But learning to deal with emotional pain is only achieved by feeling it, managing it, and waiting for a little time on your side.
No one knows the authenticity of your feelings better than you, and healing wounds requires breakups, disappointments, and a lot of exhaustion. And when we're truly tired, we're overwhelmed by a mountain of honesty, the kind that will make you understand that you need to rescue and maintain a healthy, oxygenated space free of hypocrisies pink hue... even if "someone" arrives later, disguised as an angel—without wings—asking for forgiveness.
Forgiveness will come without drama, without hatred, with the loudest of silences... and if it's not tomorrow, it will be the day after, or it will be.
And just in case you need it, : I'm send you a hug, a big wish for a happy day, and a warm smile to soothe your heart.
Always very grateful for your reading.
The text is entirely my own ✍🏼
All photos are my property 📸
Translation done with Deep Translate, free versión 🖥️
