That’s what I thought when I finally set my watch right and had Garmin Connect installed and everything was working somewhat fine. So, I installed Actifit. I mean, I do the workout anyway, and the steps are usually not a problem at all, what would the harm be? None. Just some fun.
That turned into a diary now. I need to write. I need to put at least some of my thoughts in writing every day, if not, they dissipate eventually and forever. I need to process what happened, even if it’s through mundane words, nothing super smart. I noticed that in the recent weeks, when the pressure coming from Lily’s mom through constant attacks and threats was almost unbearable. Almost.
I didn’t write at that time. I sunk myself into work. I tried to maintain my energy with me, not to misspend it on the thousand of thoughts provoked by years of experience, by the shattering of the wonderful stability that I had built for Lily and I, by the seeing my girl trying to deal with a situation that her age is not meant to deal with and me being constantly forced away from her and not able to support her in that emotional path as much as I would like to.
I spent that energy on accepting the crisis and maintaining my awareness on my reactions and patterns, analyzing them, trying not to fall down back into the hole too much. I somewhat succeeded, and I’m honestly quite proud of the progress that I’ve made, and how I was able to deal with everything.
Things have calmed down now. I can’t say I won, but a “I won’t fight you anymore over when she is with whom.” kind of does feel that way.
That was around 1 week after starting to do daily reports in 
And what I noticed – it does motivate to get the 10k steps, too. I usually surpass them, but there are days that I’m around 8k and think “Well, I could go for a short walk.” And then I do that. And guess what happens when I walk? I think. I breathe. I recalibrate. I look around. I see the mountains, the plants, the trees, the murals.
It’s not that straight forward work type of walking. It’s daundering around this town that I love so much but never see for real when I run around. It’s processing the day and all that happened.
It’s a real break. Coming from Actifit. Ironic, isn’t it? It’s not like hitting the gym, which I enjoy a lot, too. That has become a routine already, a necessity. This is leisure, and I need more leisure in my life to deal with everything.
And it has gotten a lot better. Everything. I’m calmer. I’m more patient. I’m making better decisions.
Sure, it’s not just the app. It’s a lot of me, climbing out of my hole. But that routine of getting my steps done, walking a little more for pleasure, writing my day down in the evening before my eyes fall down – that’s not nothing.
And that’s Hive. There are so many little apps in development that are full of bugs and need patience and time to learn, but can improve quality of life. Waiting to be found by those who will enjoy them.
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