Today we had the painters at the house. We had them paint the ceiling in the kitchen, hallway, and living room. They also painted the living room walls, trim, and front door. It was an all day engagement for them as it was for me and the wife.
If there is one thing ole' Joe has never been good at, it is sitting around watching others work. This is especially so when it is on my stuff. Multiple this even more when it is something I know I used to once do with little to no physical effort.
So to calm my anxious nerves, the wife fixed me a glass of Jameson Irish Cold Brew and I holed up in the bedroom for most of the day. Yep, it makes me that anxious sometimes.
Anyway, they finished the job and it was well done. Nothing was done incorrectly or not to standard. I wasn't needed to even stand over them to ensure they did all the little things. You know, like tape off the door handles, or ensure all surfaces covered with drop cloth, e.g.
It was a miracle!
Yes, first the fact there was someone that could get the job done correctly. Second, I got through it without losing my noodle. Did the Jameson help? Nah, it was just small drink. What helped was I spent most of my time in the bedroom analyzing why I had such a hard time with a situation like this one.
Like I said, anytime there has been someone working on my house, car, or other property of mine, it really bothers me, especially if it is something I used to be able to physically accomplish but just unable to now.
I always struggle with this, and especially since I have gotten worse and medically retired. Today though, things were a little different. I spent some alone time in our bedroom, while the wife watched TV in the guest bedroom. While alone I reflected on this challenge.
My thoughts are that I worked before I was even an adult off and on. When I turned 18 years old, I was off to the Marines and never looked back. I have worked my tail off ever since. 40 hour work weeks were a vacation to me. And while mainting that kind of lifestyle with work, I maintained my agreed upon husbandly duties at home when not away for operational or training deployment or some other school.
Now that the pressure of work and absences are gone, the added pressure of preforming the husbandly duties, or what I call the honey-do list, is even greater. But, my physical limitations prevent me from completing a good deal of these tasks now. So the stressors shift their weight over to this new stressor and compounds in my opinion.
The thing is, maybe I just need to take this stressor off myself. I thought about it and my wife doesn't really get on me for not being able to do these tasks anymore. The only thing she gets on me for are the things I might be able to help her with that I haven't traditionally that I can do physically.
So if the wife is not on my back side, why should I be stressing myself. I don't have a boss, there is no one else that typically has expectations with regard to these tasks. Letting go and being comfortable with others doing the work is where I would like to be. I am just not there...yet.
So today I started that direction. I started by giving up on the riding mower and calling a repair shop. For those that follow my posts, you will get the humor and irony in that.
But yes, I plan to continue to follow this plan. If it is not work I can physically do, then I must be good with allowing others doing it. But then it becomes a financial matter, because the person doing the work has to be paid.
That makes this even harder to swallow. I am not sure how or what I am supposed to conclude at this point. They say you should come away with answers after a reflection, but not me. I just have another set of questions and concerns, just not the same ones I started with.
Thanks for reading,
Joe
Note: Image sources are mine taken by wife using iPhone11
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