-Abraham Lincoln
This is a continuation of my previous posts in a series on trust. If you have been reading my posts so far, and following, then you know I have found trust to be the reason why I have difficulty digging myself out of isolation. It is a lack of trust in others, as well as my fear that they lack trust in me.
As I have stated before, there are five common reasons why there may be a distrust in a relationship. In my previous post we discussed past experiences, then there is fear of vulnerability, cultural and social factors, personality traits, and lack of communication.
In the post for today the focus will be on my fear of vulnerability. So I wanted to explore vulnerability and understand it first. Then I wanted to understand ways to get rid of my fear of vulnerability. I discovered there are seven ways a person can show vulnerability to establish trust with others.
Vulnerability - the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
Based on what I have discovered for me to trust someone and for them to trust me, a certain level of vulnerability is required by both me and the other person. This will often involve sharing thoughts, feelings, opening up, and talking about personal experiences. For me this is very challenging as I don't often talk about personal experiences very easily. Writing these blog posts has been a real stretch for me in fact. I am sure it is the same with so many others as well.
When trusting someone I am essentially giving the other person the power to potentially hurt me, whether intentionally or unintentionally. This scares me, sometimes. Especially since I have been hurt in the past. The opposite is also true of them surely and I must be aware of this as well, as trust is always a two-way street.
However, I know that not everyone deserves my trust and acknowledge this. It is okay for me to be cautious when deciding to trust someone. I’ll also need to remember that people cannot trust me immediately either. Trust is something that must be earned over time and requires patience.
Vulnerability in relationships is not only essential to build trust but for well-being of me and the others in the relationship. Being vulnerable can allow me to feel supported and understood and will help me grow and learn from my experiences. Yes, it can be difficult for me to let my guard down and to show my true self, but doing so supposedly can lead to a more fulfilling relationship and a happier life. Only time will tell on this one.
So, with all this said, there are several ways to skin a cat, or so the old timers say. Same can be said for ways I can demonstrate vulnerability to others. To abbreviate things, because that is what I like to do sometimes, break things down to the least common denominator, I put things under seven ways. These seven ways to show vulnerability are: sharing personal stories, admitting mistakes, asking for help, expressing emotions, being authentic, listening actively, and being empathic.
Share my personal stories
By sharing my personal stories it can help me relate to others and build empathy. It can also help to create a sense of trust and vulnerability, which can deepen my relationships.
When I share something personal with someone, I can give them a glimpse into my life and experiences. This can help them to understand my perspective and maybe relate to me on a deeper level.
However, I learned from my reading that it is important to be mindful of the context and audience when sharing my personal stories. It is important to consider whether the person I share with is someone that I trust and feel comfortable opening up to. It is also important for me to be respectful of boundaries and not overshare or make someone feel uncomfortable. Like right now, maybe, am I oversharing? If I am, just stop reading, it’s okay.
Admit my mistakes
Admitting my mistakes is an important part of being a responsible and accountable person. It shows that I am willing to take ownership of my actions and their consequences, and that I’m willing to learn and grow from those mistakes.
No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Admitting my mistakes can help to build trust and respect with others. I believe owning up to mistakes demonstrates honesty and trustworthiness. In addition, I have discovered through study owning up to mistakes also demonstrates a willingness to be vulnerable.
I should ask for help
Asking for help can be a sign of humility and a recognition of my limitations or lack of knowledge in a particular area. It also shows my willingness to learn from others and to collaborate towards a common goal.
Additionally, when I seek help it can lead to more efficient problem-solving. In some situations, asking for help can also demonstrate trust in others and a willingness to rely on their expertise or experience.
Express my emotions
Expressing my emotions such as fear or sadness can demonstrate a willingness to be open and honest with others, which can help me to build trust in relationships. This will be tough because these two emotions I am not that good at expressing with others, I need to get better at that. I need to understand that when expresing my emotions to others it can create a sense of vulnerability and authenticity that can be appreciated and respected by those around me.
One thing I learned from further study and counsel was that being open about my emotions can also help me to better understand and process my feelings. This can lead to greater self-awareness and personal growth. It can also allow others to better understand my perspective and provide support and empathy when I need it.
However, it is important for me to note that the way I express my emotions can also affect how others perceive me. Being able to communicate my emotions in a clear and constructive way can be helpful in building trust and fostering healthy relationships. Whereas expressing emotions in a way that is aggressive or hostile can be damaging to my relationships. This is something that has happened to me in the past, and I need to be aware of this. However, I do think I am well past those days.
Be authentic
Being authentic means being true to myself and my feelings, and this can help others to see that I am genuine and trustworthy. Authenticity involves being honest and transparent about who I am, what I believe in, and how I feel, without pretending to be someone I’m not or hiding my true thoughts and emotions.
Speaking to my counselor I learned that when I’m authentic, I’m more likely to build deeper connections with others because they can see that I’m being genuine and honest. This can help to foster trust and respect in my relationships because people are more likely to trust and respect someone who is open and honest about their thoughts and feelings.
However, it is important to note that being authentic does not mean being disrespectful or insensitive towards others. It is possible to be true to myself while still being respectful and considerate towards others' feelings and opinions. In the past, I have been a very direct person. Sometimes I still am. Just something I need to be aware of and manage.
Listen actively
Listening actively to others can show that I am interested in what they have to say and that I value their opinions. This can help to build trust in my relationships. Active listening involves not only hearing what someone is saying, but also paying attention to their body language and tone of voice, asking clarifying questions, and providing feedback to demonstrate understanding. This is something I feel I have to get much better at.
When I actively listen to someone, I am showing that I respect their thoughts and feelings, and that I am willing to take the time to understand their perspective. This can help me to build trust and rapport in my relationships because people are more likely to trust someone who shows that they care about their opinions and feelings.
Be empathetic
Being empathetic towards others' emotions such as sadness, fear, or anxiety, can help to establish trust and build emotional connections with them. Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings and experiences of others, and it is an important component of building and maintaining strong relationships.
When I show empathy towards others, I’m demonstrating that I care about their well-being and that I’m willing to take the time to understand their emotions and experiences. This can help to build trust because it shows that I’m reliable and compassionate, and that I’m willing to provide support and comfort when it is needed.
Empathy can also help to strengthen emotional connections with others because it creates a sense of shared experience and understanding. When I’m able to relate to someone else's emotions and experiences, I’m more likely to feel a sense of closeness and connection with them.
However, it is important to note that empathy should be balanced with self-care and boundaries, as constantly absorbing others' emotions can be emotionally draining for me. It is important to practice self-care and establish healthy boundaries to maintain my emotional well-being while still being empathetic towards others.
We have come to the close of this post about fear of vulnerability. If you made it this far, thank you for sticking with me, it was a long one. Like the previous posts I plan to reflect on the topic of trust even more in a few days from now. There is also a plan to drill down on each of these seven ways to demonstrate vulnerability more in future posts. I hope you will be here for the ride with me as I discuss cultural or societal factors and their impact on trust next time.
Thanks,
Joe
I would be happy to hear what you have to say and share with me. I need it to help me grow, to get out of this shell, dig out of my hole. To become a better person!
Note: Image source Canva.com
