Today, in this post, I want to share something that has been on my mind for a while, and I’ll start with a question: Can you still make real friends after turning 30?
I don’t have the answer to that question, but maybe I can find people who are going through the same thing and are willing to share their opinions, so I can know if I’m alone in this or not.
I want to share a couple of things that have led me to ask myself this question over and over again. Now that I’m a mom, I’ve been rethinking many things, and one of them is deciding who to let into my life and who not to.
I’ve always been very selective and careful with the people I allow into my life because I’ve had bad experiences. I always question things—not out of malice, but because there has always been an alert intuition in me that makes me see beyond and notice certain intentions.
This has meant that I’ve had few friendships for as long as I can remember, and now even fewer. Also, since I’m an immigrant and have lived in a country different from my own for almost nine years, I feel I haven’t had enough opportunities to make friends. All these factors have affected my social life.
The friendships I’ve made since leaving my country (I won’t count the ones I left there, as for obvious reasons many no longer exist) have been affected by distance and mutual interest. That’s another topic I want to come back to later. But returning to recent friendships—something always happens.
With one friend in particular, as soon as I became pregnant, she completely distanced herself from me. She is unable to have children and confessed to my husband that she felt bad because I was pregnant and she couldn’t be. This was a very hard blow for me, and at a time in my life when I needed the support of my friends—especially since my family isn’t nearby—I decided to remove her from my life completely.
With another person, something happened that I honestly don’t even know how to explain. This person was very present and eager to be part of my life, but she offered things I never asked for and never followed through. Specifically, things for my daughter—not just material things, but also time and presence. She made me feel bad on several occasions, and I asked myself if it was really worth keeping someone like that in my life. I made the decision to stop talking to her.
Currently, I have several friends who don’t write to me, don’t check in on me, and don’t realize that motherhood can be incredibly lonely. My outings are mostly limited to taking my baby to the pediatrician or going grocery shopping. I was already somewhat isolated before, but now even more so.
I feel like every time I try to get close to someone, there’s some sort of rejection, and I don’t understand why. I’m the one who reaches out, the one who sends a message to ask how they are. The distance between two people is just one message, and a little interest would go a long way.
The truth is, my baby makes me very happy. Watching her grow and taking care of her keeps me completely busy, and at the end of the day, I’m exhausted. Right now, I’m taking the time to write this post because it’s something that’s been on my mind during different moments of the day. It doesn’t mean I’m unhappy because of it, but it does make me think, and I want to share it.
If you’re going through something similar, leave a comment and vote. And if not, tell us how you think we can build friendships after 30.
Thank you for reading!!
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