It's true...I'm not getting any prettier as time passes...but I'll own it. Honestly though, I was never much of a looker. I mean, I'm rather average to look at and always have been...I'll own that too.
- G-dog -
Has anyone ever told you you're unattractive? It's happened to me, just not in those exact words. In an attempt to hurt me, the person indicated that time was reducing my physical attractiveness. Hmm ok, she was probably right. I assume it's been said to others for similar reasons and I wonder, were they as impervious to the intended barb as I was? Were you, or would you be? I suppose that answer will be different depending on who is answering and what point in life they are.
When we begin life we also begin to change, and throughout our lives those changes continue. We keep learning, experiencing and gathering knowledge and wisdom along the way which changes how we think, our thoughts and attitudes, mindset, likes, dislikes and the actions we take...which in-turn change us again in a perpetual process called life. Of course those changes are physical as well.
I was talking to someone yesterday about attractiveness and whilst I'll not go into specifics, I'll say that the person thinks I'm attractive. I know, she must be royally bonkers, right?
Anyway that's what she thinks, right or wrong, and she's able to define exactly why also. It's not just a physical thing [thank goodness] although that's part of it.
The way I move, the presence I have when in a room and what she sees in my eyes - the way they say so much, silently conveying years of experiences, success, failure, pain, suffering, elation - you know, all the stuff a person goes through in their experiences and journey through life and which I don't readily open up about; she sees it in my eyes. My shoulders, hands, the way my lips move when I talk, my smile and laugh, the way my arms feel and how I look in a tailored suit or my hiking boots and shorts...All are things she'd cite as reasons for being attracted to me...but that's not all.
As we go through life it seeps into us and stains us with it's colour and sometimes bleaches the colour out of us depending on the nature of the experience and how we deal with it. That's what forms the tapestry of our lives, the colours and shades of the small threads of life we weave and that define exactly who we are at any single point in time. Furthermore, life, and it's happenings, cause us to think and act in ever-changing ways, most of us anyway, and those changes add layers, or threads in the tapestry I suppose, and combined...that's us.
We're not just a physical thing, we're...more. Emotions, thoughts, beliefs and ideologies, personality traits, behaviours and more, a mood and tone that sort of exudes from us.
The person I was speaking to could talk your ears off about me; I mean literally. I feel awkward when she says nice things to me, but it also makes me feel happy as it gives credence or a sense of validity to my life's-journey and means all the changes that have occurred on that journey have combined into a man that at least one person on the planet feels strongly about. Do I need more people to think it? Nah, not really.
I'm not a superficial man and look past the exterior of a person to what's inside; who they are, how they treat themselves and others, how respectful and courteous they are, how generous, humble and kind, how hard working, if they take ownership and responsibility, their sense of humour and fun...and many other things - When determining who that person may be or what they may mean to me so many things are considered because people aren't one-dimensional.
A bad person, no matter how physically attractive, is a bad person. A good person is good whether they are pig-ugly or stunningly beautiful. Sure, physical attributes come into play when a man looks at a woman or vice versa, and that initial attraction can lead to something more just as the lack of it may cause them to look away and never look back, but the true person lies beneath the surface, who they are goes far deeper than their physical attributes.
There was a time when my body seemed carved from granite, my beard and the hair on my head was a rich dark brown devoid of the whites that pepper both now. I used to be able to bench-press more than my own weight, do one-armed push-ups and pull-ups, I could run a long way, really fast, and my face didn't carry as many wrinkles [character lines?] as it does now...My physical attributes were just better I guess. But here's the thing...I believe that I'm a better man now than I ever was. That's partly because I look after my physical health and well-being and partly because all of that inside-stuff gained through a life of experiences; it puts layers of...I don't know, interest maybe, upon a person.
Would I like to be the thirty two year-old version of myself once again? Hmm...only if I could have my fifty two year-old brain and the wisdom gained from a lifetime of experiences as well, otherwise, nah, I'll be the now-me.
It's true...I'm not getting any prettier as time passes...but I'll own it. Honestly though, I was never much of a looker. I mean, I'm rather average to look at and always have been...I'll own that too. I'm be turning fifty three years old in a couple months and...yeah, I'll own that too.
I'm ok with who I am which, considering what I've been through in life, is saying something for sure. I'm more than ok with who I am actually, and getting better looking, which is impossible anyway, won't make me feel any better about who and what I am and I don't think I need to...certainly not to please or impress others anyway.
I'm still weaving threads into my life-tapestry, colourful ones and a few of a darker shade, and it's every single one of them combined that people who look at me sees...Some will look past those on the surface and some will not. Some will see value and want to look closer and some will not...Some will seek to use them to tear me down and some will grasp onto them and pull me closer; that's the choice of those doing the looking.
For me...all I can do is be me, own my mistakes, flaws, faults and fallibilities and work towards being the best man I can be; it's enough for me to pursue that. For others looking at me...well, some will be attracted and some not, either way is ok by me. Yeah, I ain't getting any prettier...but...I'm in the best part of my life right now, the present. That's all I have, and I choose to own it no matter other people's perceptions may be.
What about you? Do you reflect on who you were in the past, your various versions, and think about which is or was your best or do you feel the present moment is where you're your best version. Do you strive to be a better person inside and out or do you not care? Are you superficial and judge people on physical attributes alone? Feel free to comment below.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default; tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind - galenkp
The images in this post is me...with an emoji head.