This is my first time posting here in this community. I am hoping I can write some good reflections without necessarily touching on my struggles as a single mom, but my train of thought still leads me there. Maybe because single parenting has given me so many experiences, maybe because being alone has taught me so much in life……maybe…
Life has never been easy, and if there’s one that has made it really as it is, it is parenting.
Parenting teaches us to sacrifice, to love unconditionally, to be selfless, to be strong and resilient, to be compassionate and everything else. All these we did not ever see when we were still dependent on our parents.
When I was young, I thought sacrifice only meant doing something difficult even if you are not ready to do it. I learned about the real meaning of this when I was already a mom at a very young age. Being young, I bought things and went to places whenever I wanted to and always wanted to be appreciated as someone with a higher value. I thought everything was going for me; I was going to have a promising future; I had a whole life ahead of me blah blah blah, but everything came to a 360 turn when I became a mom!
I must limit spending for myself because I have to think of my children’s milk, clothing, medication, education, shelter and everything else that they need. I could no longer pursue my ambition because they had to be and still must be my priority.
Sometimes as human beings and imperfect as we are, they tend to commit mistakes, but we still need to understand them, because if we don't, who else will? I cannot imagine them going to other people seeking for understanding because they cannot get it from me. So, I must be the FIRST to understand them and stretch my patience as far as I can.
And when things get tough and rough, I must defend them from all the hate, judgement and demands of people and life in general and be strong for them.
And when I see other children suffer, I understand them too because I think of my children and wish no same incident would happen to my own children. I empathize most of the time.
Parents give up almost everything for their children, but why do I have this feeling that we are still not enough? Is it because our children complain? They want something more, but we cannot provide for whatever reason.
Or because we feel we need to do more for them or deserve more for ourselves? We know we have done so much for them, but we want more for them even without them asking. Or, we know we need to do something for ourselves too because there is more to being a mom.
Or is it because we had unfinished business from the past? We dreamt of being this and that and now we feel unsuccessful or incomplete.
Or is it just part of aging that I now think like this, and I feel time is running out?
I just can't figure it out. Have you ever felt this way too?