Who else is going through a rough patch at the moment?
Since the lunar eclipse at the end of the summer, summoning the gate of Autumn this year, the energies have been insane. On every level I’ve witnessed people totally lose it, or just plainly go through very initiating times, but the common denominator is around identity and who we ‘think’, or better said ‘who & what we are used to think we are’, for everyone in their own way, their own path, with their own systemics and constellations.
I have noticed in myself a strong shift; first very subtle in my having to turn down a job to stay true to my principles and my self-respect last month. And this decision opened a new gateway into living strictly in accordance with my values.
The ‘strictly’ is the one aspect that has never demanded so much moment-to-moment awareness, alertness and discipline, as I had never realized how much this modern life and society seems to always find a loophole to convince us to close an eye on some value that is dear to our heart.
Some call it people pleasing, others 'selling the soul to the devil', however in that period, I got very sensible to the subtle ways we do that without realizing.
Many of us choose to give in, because our job demands it, because the status quo is like that, or just plainly because we ‘love’ people and are willing to make ‘compromises’.
The problem is that although we consciously often may find a good reason to, or promise ourselves that we 'still know and honor our value' or are doing this 'with good intentions',
we don't consider with enough gravity, that we are telling our subconscious a very different thing, and that it doesn't believe idle words, but takes our actions and responses literally.
And that is the one that started to scratch me without an end: the choice of compromising ultimately my innate value for a worldly context.
There are so many examples, and I might be willing to go in more depth in a separate post, but for now let’s just leave it at this, leaving everyone in peace to contemplate that fact for themselves in their own lives and stories.
In fact, it is a meticulous investigation and I was horrified at how much I had to look at things under the microscope, and realize I was not honoring my values and principles, thus ultimately my innate worth.
I had to face the fact that the way I let my closest people, be my brothers, my mother, grandmother or friends treat me, was the way, I announced to the world, that is RIGHT.
Not okay, not tolerable, but RIGHT.
And it wasn’t, nor has it ever been. It was never right by me and I had to finally sweep all that love and mercy away and just face the fact that this is not aligned with my own values and principles.
I don’t care about feelings at this time, because this is about principle. And about labeling my own self to the outside world with how I let the people who ‘love’ me the most present it to me.
So going through the gate of Autumn, right on the lane to my birthday that I spent in solitude, and into the month of October, I was constantly navigating this
realm of fine lines, blurred boundaries and the typical ‘it’s not so deep’-iterations.
And the worst friction was around my feminine existence on this plane.
I literally understood that I constantly had to subconsciously FIGHT for my right to a true female experience.
And the biggest irony is that it has absolutely nothing to do with femininism, at the contrary, feminism was a malignous tumor in that fight.
I never asked to be treated like a male. In fact, I started to remember this as one very deep deep wound, and betrayal.
After internalizing the principle of polarity and perceiving it through the lense of my own upbringing and experience, I started to uncover a lot of anger, frustration and feelings of abandonment.
Yes, our feminine quality has been abandoned, and completely downgraded in the modern world.
The divine feminine, Mother Mary, Holy Isis, Wise Sophia have been demoted, and put in the same category as male embodiments, and this is not respecting the cosmic Law of Polarity and Gender.
I painstakingly tried to wrap my head around that matter, and I fell short in expressing those feelings outward in the dialogue with other humans, as this feminism subject is so triggering and so sensitive for all those aunties that supposedly fought teeth and nails for rights I never really asked for myself.
I read somewhere something along the line of
‘feminism gave us male privileges and robbed us of our own’,
and this hit me so deep.
I feel sometimes we are coming at the end of a loop of this whole mania of wanting to have a male experience, and the collective feminine is slowly realizing what sacrifice we have done for getting these 'rights'.
It’s intriguing to realize how much transsexuality is growing, almost as a caricature of women not having understood the divine gifts of femininity so much that they are ready to disguise themselves into the ‘stronger sex’, and men wanting to be treated as women, to compensate the lack of femininity in our world.
It’s a joke really, and we all fell for it.
We, as humanity forgot the nobility of the feminine, we got blinded to the irreplaceable and incorruptible qualities of the feminine, and gave it all up to a system that exploited our humanity through corrupted beliefs rooted in scarcity, unworthiness and angst.
