Isn’t love connected to one deep fear most of us have and few of us can admit? Maybe the only fear that we all share. The fear of not finding love. The fear of being left over. The fear no one will ever choose you. The fear of not experiencing love, ever.
“Twenty-twenty-four-plenty-amor” I read on a big purple poster attached to the door. Every time I walk up that mountain. Each time I read those same words, ever since the beginning of 2024. And they make me wonder: “Is 2024 going to be about love?”
I read them in Spring, walking past at about 6am, in the dark. In summer I was wondering if I would still find them there, and I did. The year is coming to its end. Now, much later, I still pass these same words before sunrise, in the dark.
At the beginning of the year, I read them full of enthusiasm. I took them as a sign that I am on the right path. Towards summer, I couldn’t stand these words anymore. They seemed to laugh at me. My life was a big ugly mess. Or should I take them as a promise that I was still on the right track, just a bumpy one?
At times I caught myself wishing and hoping, when I read these words. Followed by that exact same fear. The fear to never find love in this life again or at all. And in other moments I remember these words and they seem to prove right. As I observe myself loving nothing more than "just" my life so deeply, like I never knew it would be possible.
Which made me wonder: Why is love always about loving or being loved? And not about creating love?
Maybe I blame our, capitalistic System for it. Where we get reminded to consume everyday and forget to create instead. We all want love. We want to give and mostly take it. And we completely forgot how to create it instead.
Why don’t we focus on creating love instead of consuming it?
Probably a question every one of us needs to answer for themselves.
“Twenty-twenty-four-plenty-amor”?
So much has happened this year that I find it impossible to put it all under one theme. I think I have never learned more than I did in over 10years of school in the past 365days. Learned skills, grew emotionally and physically. I have never went through deeper shit than I have this year and I have never felt better in my life ever before. And maybe that is exactly why this year has been about love indeed. Not necessarily romantic love or self love or love for others, but rather about creating love itself. Maybe it was about unlearning to consume love. To no longer wait for someone to give me love but to create it myself instead.
Creating love by listening to my intuition. By choosing my surroundings and going where the grass is green and the water clean. By crossing mountains instead of drowning in my sorrows. By appreciating myself exactly as I am instead of counting my flaws. By combining discipline with love and effort with compliments.
Raw and harsh, pure and beautiful. Maybe it has been about understanding and defining love for myself. Creating love in and around my life. That I can love everything around me as much as I love everything in me. That this universe is one big soup and that you always attract exactly what you are. That you need to create love first, in order to attract it.
And that love and freedom are connected so deeply, that one can never exist without the other.
Do you feel like you create love in and around your life?
Thanks for stopping by, have a lovely Thursday!
All photos and words are owned by ©kesityu taken and written by myself.