As irrational as it can be, sometimes we can have this uneasy feeling about something without actually understanding the underlying reason. It's like there's something about what we're going to do that tell us to re-think that situation because a disaster were about to happen.
A couple days ago, a friend of mine reached out offering me to visit a nearby tourist attraction. It was scenic judging from the google map pictures and I was excited. This was scheduled on Sunday, right after my usual Sunday Service. At first, I said yes to the offer because, who wouldn't want to travel?
However, something really bothered me about the offer and for no apparent reason, I just decided to call it quits. I told my friend that it's better to just check out some cafe in town as the usual. I was more happy about that option especially knowing that I still have some things to do with the preparation for next week's event.
Long story short, my mom came up to my room feeling worried. My dad was needing to be rushed to the hospital. It was an emergency.
To be honest, I never wanted him to visit the hospital again, I wished him a good longer life though I know, he's in terminal stages of his illness. It's complex and you can't really patch one up and hoping the rest are going to be fine. There's just too many things to fix. I was mostly told to be ready for whatever that was going to happen. Seeing too many deaths honestly got me desensitized. Dying is a part of life and sometimes, it fixes someone's pain.
As much I have done and went through this a lot, each of hospital visit was always nerve-wrecking. I do get better with the logistics as each time goes. We made some connections that made our hospital experience a lot easier than the others. I memorized entrance and easier access to the place as I was in the hospital for more than 2 weeks each time of my visit. But again, it is still exhausting.
After a good 6 hours, my mom and I were finally able to sit down while my dad was still unconscious. We waited hours before we got called in and the staffs explained what we had to do.
Had I not home today, it would've been a lot more challenging for my mom navigating this situation.
The nurses pitied us because it was only me and my mom as usually there would be a male guardian/family members that also helped. In our case, it has always been us and sometimes just my mom, who's always present and giving her energy as the main care taker. My job was to feed us and to ensure we'd have enough to pay whatever the bill was going to be.
But as I've said, I got more efficient with the logistics. I know things that we might not need and truly need. I learned to prioritize that things that truly matter rather than the just in case things that would only burn my resources. I learned from my lesson especially last year that sent me to hell of ride.
The thing is, with things like this, I need my sanity intact and unlike before, I was able to think calmly and know all the steps to do. All these come from this experience that the first time, wasn't so pleasant at all.
Today, I saw a woman was bawling in the emergency room and I overheard the chatter that it was her first time seeing her mother was unconscious. These thing happen a lot especially when you're sitting in the waiting room of an emergency room without a phone - you'd get to see so many expressions, heard stories and witness something that could be quite disturbing.
With only one person allowed to care the patient, I was sent home. I got worried with my mom but someone has to take care of the other part, the house and especially we now have this 9 cats that when I got home, were meowing and indicating they were extremely hungry.
Anyway, see you around and if it's not too much to ask, a prayer would help.