I know I had a huge rant just the other day about my entire life's plan to return to England being cancelled, but I still find myself browsing homes there anyway. One can dream, I guess?
Now, my choices were only ever gonna be China or the UK. HOWEVER. If I could go somewhere else, I must admit, despite all the doom mongering, the USA constantly sticks out to me. For a start, I have far more friends in the USA than I do in the UK. But I definitely have America Envy. As a geographical landscape it has literally everything you could possibly dream of all under one border, and, well, it's just so much healthier economically.
So I decided to compare a house from each country, in similar suburban areas with similar comparative wealth - 'slightly above average' based on my googling of both locations.
Statistically, US homes are a few thousand bucks more on average than the UK (though states vary wildly - that includes insanity like LA), but keep in mind their median household income is almost double ours now.
Couldn't lend me $450,000 could ya?
Here's the deets of each house going for the exact same price:
Size:
USA: 215 square metres
UK: 130 square metres
So right off the bat, the USA's is significantly larger. And actually, 130 is quite generous for the UK. We have the smallest average house sizes of any developed economy, barely 75 square metres.
Distance from Downtown
Both exactly 23 minutes drive to the town centre.
Bed & Bathrooms
USA: 4 Bedrooms and 3 Bathrooms. That seems really logical to me. Wait for this:
UK: 5 bedrooms and ONE bathroom. Wtf? And it's upstairs. Imagine living in a house of 7-8 people, with ONE bathroom!! ridiculous. Far bigger than your average home though, so maybe somebody can get a second one plumbed in cause that sounds unlivable to me.
Exterior
USA: Vast, beautiful new wood, huge surrounding land close to nature, huge porch.
UK: A semi-detached (structure divided into two homes), miserable and ugly, cookie cutter design.
Living room
USA: Sleek, fair size, lots of natural light. God knows what they were thinking with the TV placement, though.
UK: Not too shabby, but pretty badly laid out. The TV is right next to the door, you'll just constantly be getting interrupted and distracted by door activity. The terrible Feng Shui of the needless, fake fireplace (no chimney) on a diagonal wall. And as an aside, also notice the cheap, Ikea-esque lights and other furniture. More evidence of British terrible taste!
Kitchen
USA: Open plan, monstrously huge fridge, kitchen island with lots of extra storage, prep space and 3 extra seats. Behind the camera you got your ovens and stovetops and dishwashers
UK: Actually this is one of the best kitchens I've seen in my browsing of these UK homes. It's very nice I must admit. But it doesn't beat the more social US kitchen and, well, the UK's obsession with electric stovetops just drops the ranking down 10 points. Also note: Washing machine located here.
Dining Room
USA: Spacious af, gorgeous, open plan, social.
UK: Like, what is this? Sure, 6 seater table too, but it's cramped, sterile and cheap - and the dining room is the last place you'd want those glass doors going into the garden, let's be honest.
Bedrooms
USA & UK: I'd almost put the two rooms on par, but the USA bed is bigger, and the UK's positioning of the TV to the side of the bed demonstrates the lack of room around the foot of the bed. USA wins again. (also, more hideous design on the UK side)
Bathroom
USA: So much better it's unreal. Huge tank of a bathtub, modern design. Double sink/mirror, discretely positioned toilet. There is another, second bathroom with a full shower and another double-sink area and ample drawers and cupboards. And a third smaller bathroom.
UK: Again, what is this misery? A small bathtub from the 1950's, a sink with no storage space around it and barely any beneath it. It looks like the bathroom at a local supermarket or something. Bath and shower is combined. This is the only bathroom for 6+ people!!
Other rooms
UK
USA: I can't tell if this is in the basement or garage or just part of the main house, but it's a huge space.
UK: A kids room - nothing to complain about, but this does count as one of the bedrooms, while the US one is actually a whole extra space.
Ok, here is where the divergence really starts to show.
Exterior
USA
That side building is a garage that fits four cars plus whatever else at the back there. A workshop, maybe. Just look at all that space.
UK
That's it. A dirty, overgrown patch of lifeless grass and an broken trampoline. Cool.
Who Wins?
Let's just say, the UK loses.
Homes of Compromise
UK houses are not only small, but they've been gradually getting smaller as they continue to concrete over the landscape. As a result, everybody has grown up learning to compromise a bit here and there, from TV's to the side of the bed to let people squeeze past, to smaller beds, shower-bath combos, and terraced/semi-detached housing design.
Our houses are a metaphor for the UK as a whole: small, cramped, poor taste, poorly built and on the brink of collapse.
But at least they have their charm... whatever that means!