Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
― Kahlil Gibran
Parenting is the most complicated task one can ever be assigned with, that’s my belief and I am confident of its truth. Being a parent is a whole different thing. It has nothing to do with parenting, especially good parenting. And here is the catch— what defines good parenting. Doing what is best for the children or helping them be the best what their heart pursues?
It’s true kids don’t have any idea what could be better for them when they grow up, nobody does to be honest, not even parents themselves. Except igniting and nurturing the humane characteristics that make them a true human being and don’t have any alternatives.
But if the future is in question, like, what the kid would be when he grows up, how do we define the “best” for him? Based on our perspective? Reflecting on our life experience?
How do we know our perception determines the best for them?
Every person is different, they have different perceptions towards life, different philosophies, different attitudes. If we think our kid should follow this or that cause “we” figured that out based on “our” experience, what’s the point of their existence?
Last day I had an argument on this issue with one of my friends that almost cost us our friendship. Although we had this argument several times earlier, I failed to convince her of my belief, neither did her belief convince me— and yesterday, we agreed on never talking about this.
She wants her son to be a good human, like everyone does, appreciable no doubt. But the way she guides her son to be that good human conflicts my ideology. Although I’m not supposed to interfere, sometimes I think it’s too much for the kid— you know, putting all those restrictions that an adult is supposed to do, I mean shrinking his childhood with all those NO so he grows up with nothing but positivity in life. It’s fair, every mother wants her kid to grow up like this.
But what about his childhood?
His childhood deserves what it entails; doing whatever his heart yearns for— you know, painting on wall, playing with water in the shower, not wanting to sit for long in one place… whatnot? If we are restricting them and keeping them from doing those, aren’t we tearing off a part of their childhood? If they cannot do it at this age, when they are supposed to do? At adult age; when the adulthood bends them with the burden of social standards?
I may not sound like a good parent, given the social standard of course I’m not, but I believe in letting the kids loose. This is the time they must do whatever they want to do, and we are supposed to look after them so they don’t get hurt badly, putting their life in jeopardy. Things will fall in line as they grow, but keeping them away from their childhood instincts seems to me like raising them in custody.
My rebellious mind aside, I am not sure even I can follow what I believe, but I really wish I could. Sometimes I feel sorry for all those kids growing up with nothing but a routine aiming at a better future. What if they could question our actions towards them, what if they could accuse us of what we are keeping them away from?
