We planned to get dinner at 7:30 and i had already finished work and practicing for my show at the end of the month, so I had 40 minutes to kill.
I thought I’d pop in at the DJ cafe/bar i used to hang out at often but it was full to the brim with people an I didn’t feel like being squished in a crowd of people I didn’t know.
I went past a wine bar across the street whre many friends frequent but the boss isn’t all that talkative and popping in just to stare at my phone felt like a waste of energy.
People say your desire to go out goes down when you get older but I think that’s oversimplifying it. There are deeper reasons than just age.
You might get tired easier.
You may have found a partner and finding one was a bigger reason for goong out than you had thought.
You may have found more valuable things to do with your time than roll a dice to see how a night next to a stranger goes.
You may have gotten tired of seeing the same people.
For me it’s a mix of all of these but the part that is a little harder to reconcile is that I still want to socialize, i just want to socialize my own way, not force myself into unpleasant situations when I could just as easily not.
When I was trying to overcome anxiety it made sense.
When I was looking for love it made sense.
But I don’t like crowded places.
I don’t like talking just to talk, although I’d love to really connect.
I don’t hate the smell of smoke but it’s not exactly pleasant either.
And I do not want to kill time, ever again.
I like music but I’ve seen enough of it that I would rather be picky with my time.
If people were more primed for having deeper discussions or just being playful with strangers I would go out a lot more. But most playflness requires alcohol for most people which I am tired of, and most deep conversations now yurn political which if lighthearted im ready for but I don’t wanna trigger oversensitive people.
I really want to socialize more but people in geneal don’t seem to know how to hold a conversation anymore and they don’t have the energy to care about what you are saying.
Back in my day….it was also underwhelming. But we were less oversaturated with information and things to care about.
In any case, I plan to see a band I like twice this weekend for this marathon type show. I’m not sure if people will be socially awkard or how interesting the show will be (I think it should be pretty interesting) but it’d be nice to socialize. And if I can’t than at least I have my show two weeks later which will be interesting.
All of this just makes me want to double down an have more shows and try and organize my own events which can be a little more comfortable and laid back, and hopefully have some meaning.
Gotta keep going and build the world i want around me🔥🔥
MUSIC AND OCEAN
