Nervous isn’t the right word….
Or maybe it is?
Anxious?
Still not it…
Excited….?
Overwhelmed?
There we go.
All of the above so overwhelmed feels most accurate.
In 24 hours I will be in a very different universe. In fact, every second, I enter a new universe, but most of the time, the old and the new universe look quite similar.
The difference between today and tomorrow though is vast. I’ll play another show full of very interesting artists, all of which I am still a bit shy to appear in front of. I am still not solid enough in experimenting live that it feels natural, so that is what I am focused on.
If I played only things I was comfortable with, I know I’d be able to leave a good impression but what’s the fun in such saftey. I want to use this kind of event as a chance to challenge myself to reach a new level.
And so maybe next time or next next time I will play it safe, and stick with songs I am most comfortable with, but this time I want to challenge myself.
Last time I played new songs that were focused around duets. This time I want to focus on jams and experiments. Then next time I may end up taking it back to acoustic and sticking to songs I’m very comfortable with.
The goal is to become fully capable of adapting my show to different environments and moods and steer the mood in a direction I choose, and because this show gives me a blank slate to practice whatever I want with (the audience is full of artists who are very absorbed in the music and very open minded) I choose a different mood every time.
When I am challenging myself musically, I can’t always show the most confidence because I am very very absorbed in making sure I don’t get lost, that I don’t loose the rhythm, that I know what’s next. But if next time I play music I am comfortable with, the goal will become more about challenging myself with regards to creating a vibe, not only through the music but also through my whole demeanor.
I’m overwhelmed because I know that a completely different sense of normal lies beyond this. If people don’t get into it, I will have resigned myself to that and accept it completely, which will only lead to me looking for different kinds of challenges. And if people do get into it, well now I have a seat at the cool kids table, which my ego doesn’t really get off on, but it means more opportunity. More invitations. More distractions. More new friends. More wonderful nights. More mistakes.
Essentially I am going to have to turn the volume up on life after tomorrow, and that feels both exciting and overwhelming.
Let’s see where it leads!
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A Brass Band Appeared!
