Revenge is a dish best served....bitter?
"Cold" might be the best way to plan revenge, but to want revenge at all - well, that requires bitterness. Disappointment, anger, sadness - these are the ingredients for revenge, especially of the kind that so many seem to want today - which is based on pettiness and a sense of unfairness, whether true or not. With everyone considering themselves a victim, bitterness seems to be a growing emotion.
Parents are meant to introduce disappointment to children, but perhaps this is not being done as readily these days, or maybe it is that there are so many other distractions available, disappointments don't have the same impact that they used to have. Rather than them being something profound that gets reflected on, they are brushed aside, replaced by a screen, a game, another slice of filler content. And maybe, this is part of the reason that people not only feel entitled to get what they want, but also why they are less capable of dealing with disappointment these days.
Impatience is the status quo, because pretty much everything that people want, is on demand, available all the time, 24 hours a day. Then, when there are things that are scarce and are hard to get, they get overvalued, because people just aren't used to not having what they want. It is like the beautiful girl in the movie who sleeps with the guy, because he was the first one to say no to her.
That was in a comedy show I watched the other night.
But, when people aren't used to hearing no, aren't used to not getting what they want, it is natural that they are going to be more affected by disappointment, especially if they haven't had much else dramatic happen in their lives. The easier our lives are, the lower our pain threshold becomes, and as such, the more we are likely to feel pain. When our emotions aren't steeled by experience, every negative impact, cuts deep.
Every day I seem to hear another story about a totally inappropriate response to the situation, where people are beaten to death for getting cut off in traffic, or getting shot in the face for a carpark scrape. Maybe it is that the frequency hasn't gone up and it is just more available, but I get the feeling that I am seeing more inappropriate behavior where it didn't used to exist here too. There seems to be more negative, less positive instances observed.
But it is more than just how we interact with each other, it is also how we are living as individuals. I was reading a three decade study on the health of women in Finland and how there is more chronic illness than there was in the mid eighties, and a fair amount more obesity. I don't think many people aim to be obese, but I also think that it is a pretty easy trap to fall into, especially in a culture that has driven the idea that we should always feel good, always get what we want. And, it seems to be that many of us feel that we are entitled to eat and act how we want, and not pay any negative consequences for it.
Get what we want, because that is our right.
One of the things I keep trying to impress into my daughter, is the idea that if she really wants to be good at something, she is going to have to practice it well, learn the right ways, and repeat and experiment. She is going to have to invest into things she wants, and many times she isn't going to get it right away, and she is going to feel like a failure. There will be disappointment, frustration, and at times, anger, but if she really wants to improve, it is part of the process.
I think a lot of bitter people are the ones who didn't put in the effort, but felt that if they had, they could have done it. They could have been great. But they didn't put in the effort, so they weren't. Greatness tends to be combined with resilience and the ability to overcome challenge, to face adversity, fail, and still find the grit and strength to keep on going.
Failure be damned.
We all fail, and we will likely all fail again and again and again. At the end of the day, will we define ourselves by the failures we have experienced, or the times we overcame? And when the music of our life quietens, will the aftertaste of life be bitter, or bitter sweet?
Taraz
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