There was a trainee caregiver while my wife was having an MRI and the qualified nurse was speaking through all of the things that were happening and the considerations in front of my wife. One of the things mentioned was what to do if the patient is "thin" and something about a position and extra pillow was said. The question my wife had after was what they would have said had she been very fat - would they still have used a clear body descriptor, or would they have broached the subject with more ambiguous terms?
I think the latter.
There are lots of assumptions made around these areas, but generally it is accepted that you aren't allowed to mention size or weight if someone is overweight, but it is okay if someone is not, even if they are underweight. It is okay to say, "you are so thin, you need to eat more", but it is not okay to say, "you are so fat, you need to eat less".
One of the many assumptions is that people will take their overweightness being mentioned as an insult, but people will take their thinness mentioned as a compliment. And interestingly to me, the people who will take their overweightness weight being mentioned as an insult, are also the ones who say they are happy with their body, and don't care what other's think of them. If you don't care, you can't be insulted. If you are happy, it doesn't matter what other's think.
While never truly obese (I am by BMI), I am a bit over weight in the sense that I have too much belly fat. But, that is relative if looking at the average in my age group, because I would be considered in okay shape. However, I have been very thin at some stages of my life where my stomach illness was so bad I couldn't eat, nor put on weight when I did. At one point, I was a full half the weight I am now, and I didn't feel better for it. But from those who didn't know I was ill (they must have been blind), I would sometimes get comments that were supposed to be compliments.
But an intended compliment only works when it is what the receiver considers a compliment. For me, I didn't take offense, not because I loved my body the way it was, but because I understood the intention behind what they were saying, and the lack of understanding inherent. I know I have tried to compliment people at various times in ways that haven't quite hit the mark, because I made assumptions too.
But in a medical situation where there is patient privacy, should caregivers worry about how they make the patient feel, or should speak as they see it as a professional? In terms of the MRI machine, the dimensions are known factors, as are the considerations for different body types, including those with a lot of fat. If training someone, should the language be unambiguous to make it clear what is meant, including what is meant by "thin" or "fat", which they don't actually know in this context, other than eyeballing it. Because when it comes to medical imaging, it is going to be more difficult to position a person who is very fat, as there are less physical indicators of exactly where bits and pieces are, so it is very important to ensure that the positioning is correct. This is much easier for someone like my wife, as they can align and adjust based on shoulder and hip bones. They can see what needs to be raised, or what doesn't. The consideration of body type isn't a judgement on the person, it is necessary for the procedure.
Does that make it different?
I think that the problem a lot of people have over the mention of weight, comes down to attraction. While there are various body trends in society that change over time, many who say "looks don't matter" are still heavily influenced by looks themselves. If someone gets highlighted as not being within the looks trend parameters, they might feel unattractive, so people tend to stay away from mentioning it. But, if someone is in parameters, it is assumed that they will be happy to have it mentioned, and that will make them feel attractive. That is a problem, not only because a person might not want to be in those parameters, but it discounts everything else that person is or is not in regards to their intelligence, personality, or behaviours.
As I see it, there is no perfect way to really talk about these things at the individual level, because it is always going to be coloured by generalisations that may or may not offend. Instead, I would rather have a culture that errs on the other side, making the assumption that people are healthy individuals who don't rely on the opinions of others for their wellbeing, and if they hear things they don't want to hear, they can either assume best intentions, or let it slide completely, uncaringly. Because of our wellbeing depends on us fitting into the opinions of others, we are never going to be well.
A fat person is fat. It is not an opinion, it is a fact. This fact doesn't make the person ugly or unattractive, but it also doesn't mean everyone is attracted to them. Similarly, someone being thin doesn't automatically make them attractive to everyone either, even if they fit into the current trending body mould. But, I do think we should be able to openly discuss these areas at least in broad terms, without individuals taking personal offense to it.
Right now, reading this article, some people are fat, some people are thin, some people are in between, but no one has been named.* Yet, probably people reading are going to associate themselves to some position on the scale and then feel something based on their opinion. They will personalise a generalised perspective, meaning that they themselves are doing what we are told we shouldn't; make judgements based on body type.
When I go to a doctor, I want the doctor to have a lot of generalised information about people "like me", but I also want them to treat me as an individual. This way, they can narrow down all of the "what it's nots, and what it could bes", and then determine if there is anything about me as an individual that might affect the diagnosis. Because, none of us fit cleanly into any of the moulds, across everything that is important to us, or others.
I think we all want to feel attractive, but what does it mean to be attractive?
I wonder if Magnetic Resonance Imaging can show it.
Taraz
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