Normally, you will hear me espousing the benefits of interacting and engaging together, as I believe that we are disconnecting from each other at scale, breaking not only the fabric of society, but putting the existence of humanity at threat. But here today, I am going to talk about the benefits of interacting less together - at least, removing myself from the conversation.
Which many might be quite happy about.
But I am not going dark on Hive.
Instead, this is about "forcing" my daughter to engage more, by taking myself out of the discussion equation with her uncle, 
I am her Google.
But after Galen sent me a message to see if Smallsteps was available to talk, instead of using my phone to call, I had her use hers (which she barely uses as is) and I went downstairs so that they could talk together without the opportunity for Smallsteps to ask me anything. As a result, I believe (after asking Galen later) that Smallsteps was more engaged and able to concentrate, as well as more conversational and working to find words, because she had no choice.
Choice is a benefit and a bane.
Choice can be a good thing to have, but there is such a thing as "too much choice", which can not only freeze us, but also amplify the effects of buyer's remorse. But these days, a lot of children are growing up in households where they have a large increase in choice in what they do, what they eat, and what they don't do.
When I was a kid, the choice at dinner time was to eat, or not eat - no matter what was served. And "not eat" was not a viable option. Similarly, with a lot of activities, there was no choice not to do something just because I didn't want to do it and in many cases with the childhood I had, I had to do things I shouldn't have had to do, because they needed to be done, and no one else was going to do it for me.
I learned a lot from that - good and bad.
For Smallsteps, while her English is her mother tongue, her Finnish mother tongue is naturally stronger, due to the disproportionate usage it gets. Over 90% of her conversations have always been in Finnish, but that isn't to say that her English is only 10% as good. But her English is limited, because she pretty much only speaks it with me, which means there isn't the variety of vocabulary, accents and general richness of the language she would get if speaking to many different kinds of people. So talking with Galen is an opportunity for her to not only learn more, but get practice using what she has more effectively.
Often, good communication has little to do with what we know and a lot to do with how we use it. Being able to use alternative words or find alternative ways to explain is a skill that requires practice and when talking with me, Smallsteps knows that she can slip the odd Finnish word in when she doesn't know and I will understand - sometimes. This means she doesn't practice speaking around a topic, as she becomes reliant on the translation tool that I can be with her. This holds back her skill development.
Being "forced" and "having no choice" is a brilliant way to learn how to manage on our own, cope with difficulty and challenge, overcome fear and build resilience, and generally have more independent agency as an individual. Having no choice might not seem ideal, but there are a lot of benefits to learning how to deal with having to do something, because quite often the thing we should do is not the thing we want to do. Having some practice having to do what we don't want to do, helps us do more of what we should do, even though we don't want to.
Kids should have to do a lot of what they don't want to do.
They should have chores, eat their vegetables, and made to try new flavours. They should have to sit quietly sometimes, and speak with people they don't want to talk to. They should have to solve their own problems, even when they don't know what to do, and learn how to self-soothe. Discomfort in childhood is a growth opportunity, and children at times should be given no choice but to grow.
When it comes to Smallsteps' development, I as the parent am also a hinderance, because I don't want her to be uncomfortable, so sometimes, too often, I will step in and "save" her from a situation. That save now will be to her detriment later.
Smallsteps loves talking with Galen, but she also gets frustrated when she can't explain herself fully. She gets frustrated with me when I don't understand. But with Galen, she understands that he doesn't speak Finnish at all, so doesn't expect him to understand everything. Instead, it gives her a safe space to try and fail, without getting frustrated. It becomes a conscious learning experience for her, and one that helps them build a stronger relationship directly, without middleman support.
A parent's job is to make themselves unnecessary.
Taraz
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