It has been more than five months since I wrote something on this blog. I visit the website from time to time but immediately close it afterward, as I am not really sure what I should do going forward.
Life has not been easy these past few months, but it is manageable. The days I used to spend maintaining this blog have been used for rest most of the time and for watching some cringey Chinese dramas on YouTube.
There are times when I hit the draft button, but my thoughts are not flowing. I can create a line or two but immediately delete them afterward as the thoughts don't line up properly.
I'll be honest: I am not sure if I will be able to maintain this blog. As people say, consistency is the key, and that is not my strongest suit when it comes to writing. Sure, I can be consistent in drinking my coffee or even reading manhua and manga every day, but writing and creating something worthwhile? Nah. I always end up staring at my draft screen and then moving on to the next tab.
I applaud folks who can stick to their plan—the writing schedule to post daily, twice a week, or even once a week.
I always find myself battling with how to do it, even though there are prompts available everywhere.
Maybe being consistent should not equate to getting perfect attendance in doing this. Perhaps it is not about publishing an amazing blog post every day or even every week. Maybe it is about choosing to come back even after a long delay.
I haven't figured everything out, and for sure, being consistent in writing is like a huge jungle for me to navigate. Aside from being sick of sending demand letter emails, I just want to write again so that I can think and practice, even though I am uncertain if I can push through with it.
It would be nice if I could write on a daily basis again, but I will not make any promises to myself that I can't keep.
In one of the books I read back then, I recall a saying—not verbatim—that once someone dies, their tombstone will only last for a few years and might be gone. But creating a personal space in cyberspace lasts forever, as we have a digital footprint. Maybe this is a way to say that once upon a time, I lived.
This blog may not be perfect, but hopefully, it is sincere enough for me to have something to reflect on from time to time.
Images used are from Leonardo.ai