"You were not like this while growing as a child. You were well put together and good mannered. I don't know what has changed."
My grandmother, my mom and almost everyone biological related to me would say that each time I did something while growing up as a teenager. They would remind of what I never knew . How good I was when I was little. They preferred the younger me than the me that was with at that time. Sometimes I felt remours, sometimes a thought of being independent would flash through my mind.
Being the victim, ego wouldn't allow me notice the bad behaviours. They claimed I was being disobedient, proud and stubborn.
I learnt puberty in school. This could been the reason. That stage of life had all these behavior play out in the lifestyle of each and everyone of us. Our health teacher back in secondary school would say " y'all will get through it, but don't justify your bad behaviours with puberty, you can always manage it, if you're a good child."
With all of these things going on, I was still doing well academically, still making good grades and ranking amongst the best in class. How then was I not a good boy? I thought.
But there was more to maturity than bagging good grades in school.
I wanted to change but not to being my younger self but a better person.
I would go a week , doing things carefully to avoid making mistakes, getting into trouble and maybe end up disrespecting my elders. But along the line, I would see myself doing the things I had been avoiding.
A voice in the guilt would say "it's impossible to change. You're becoming a man. Don't listen to people's opinions about you". Behavior became an habit, which was more difficult to change.
After some months of struggling, I started seeing better results. A better me. By this time , I was living alone. I had learned to make good decisions, manage things and avoid silly mistakes. University life has thought me a lot. While I would return home after each semester to see my parents. No complains about bad behaviours were coming from them. Truly, i was living up to my and thier expectations.
I was being a better person. A better version of Udemeabasi. Different from the past. Good Different.
Images used are mine
😜US-ANDREW