I was ashamed of my body, my boobs, my desires, and especially my kinks.
I was ashamed of everything, pretty much. And I was taught to hide, to be modest, and to cover up.
I heard many things such as:
- "Latina's are sexy."
- "Don't dare show any skin."
- "Look nice to go to the grocery store, you don't know who will see you."
- "Latina's are spitfires that love sex."
- "Only sluts show skin and look sexy."
- "Heels are appropriate only for dancing."
- "Only prostitutes and strippers wear heels."
These were just some of the many messages I received growing up.
Conflicting messages indeed.
I had a friend who showed off her body. A lot. My mother slut-shamed her behind her back. My mom liked my friend but thought she was a 'slut' because she wore 'barely there clothes.' Funny thing is, turns out my friend was wayyyyyy more of a prude than I ever was lol!
Anyway, I covered up, but also let men treat me like shit. I let them use me and I used them in return. I used them to feel validated and wanted. I didn't care about them any more than they cared about me. They didn't do much for me except reinforce that I should be ashamed of my body, and I learned a new shitty habit with these guys... how to hide my kinks.
When I eventually worked up the courage to tell people what I was into and what I wanted, they just shamed me and refused me.
And I spent years like that. I got married twice, but kept all of my deepest, neediest, desires to myself. I lied to my (now ex-) husbands and told myself I didn't want kinky sex. That I was fine with what I had.
But it was all a lie.
I pretended to be 'dominant' and spent 15 years lying to my ex, pretending I enjoyed being in control. I spent those years feeling 100% out of control with my body and my life.
I didn't control a thing...it was only an illusion.
Meeting 
changed all of that.
I honestly can't think of another human on earth who can free minds better, or faster. Show up sincere, eager for growth, and ready to learn and he will blow your mind in one quick chat.
He taught me to be honest about who and what I am.
When he and I first met, I flirted with him via email. After mentioning to him that I was dominant, he said... "It doesn't sound like you're dominant. Those are some pretty submissive things you're saying to me."
I was in shock.
I mean, my gut said he was right, and that I had to have a long look within and admit who I was to myself.
So I did.
I was saying submissive things to him because I honestly felt submissive. I was so sick and tired of pretending to be in control while feeling so lost and alone.
So I admitted the truth first to myself and then to him. Doing that made some of the shame I had felt growing up, go away.
Little by little, I started being more honest with Jay and with my ex-husband, and then with other people in my life. I started to show off, wear makeup, feel sexy and be honest about my kinks.
The more honest I became, the less shame I felt, and the better my sex life got!
Back then Jay and I had a t-shirt shop and we sold mostly motivational t-shirts but we had a few kinky shirts. One day Jay said to me...
"You always seem to want to post about or talk about the kink line of shirts. Do you want to pivot and go all kink clothing?"
It took me 3 days of crying, thinking, and going crazy before I finally admitted that yes, I actually did want to go in 100% on the kink side of our business.
I was miserable about it though because I was worried about hiding it from my family, my friends, and worried about being judged. But I had learned to be honest and knew that I couldn't have a business that I was hiding from people. So I decided to go all in. Strip the shame away and just be me.
It felt so good to just be honest about what I was doing and posting my real-life stuff on Instagram. It's a lot and it's super personal, but it's me. And the more I preached about 'Slaying Shame' the more unashamed I became and the better my sex life got.
I found a person (Jay) and a place (Instagram) where I could be free to share my deepest desires and be myself. It feels sooooo amazing to let go of shame.
The weird thing is that once I let go of being ashamed of my kinks, the other "shameful" things in my past were easy to let go of as well. I was ashamed of past addictions, being married twice, having 3 kids by 3 different dads, and so on. Each thing became no big deal to me.
Soooooo if you want to have the life of your dreams, you want to have the kinkiest sex ever, then you're gonna have to let go of shame.
Lots of people hold onto it for dear life and never know what it's like to let it go. I highly recommend being like Elsa from Frozen, and "let it go." You'll end up getting everything you ever wanted. And sure, others might judge you... but I won't. You can come sit with me anytime and we will be shameless together.
I know you can do it. I believe in you.
Love, Cyn
