Having difficulties in life is unavoidable. Getting a solution is a must. Therefore difficulties are suppose to be manageable. How many of us can stop thinking about our difficulties and start thinking about the solution only.
I have been very incapable of handling my stress and facing reality recently. I prefer to stay at home and stay out from the world outside that I felt burdening me inside. The truth is I am scared and alone. I am afraid to reach out and I am afraid to be indebted. I am terrified that I will not be able to settle my troubles in my lifetime and it will be a drag for my daughter in the future. I am absolutely scared that I cannot prove to my father that my life is not that bad. I am not a burden. I am just the residual of the responsibilities that he failed to settle on his own. Most of all. I am afraid to be just like that for my daughter.
Well, regarding my story in the old days, it is all history. I am striving to achieve balance in my life. I believe I can do it. I know I can and I have always been able to face all the difficulties so far. I did but I am not alone.
It is within God's plan. He showed me love and care at the moment I needed the most. He teaches me lessons in life. He gave me chances. I failed a lot in achieving my goals. Yet God is still there to open a new road for me.
My biggest failure is to control my emotion. I barely keep a smile in public and I drenched in tears at night. Thank God for my daughter, she always knows a way to make me laugh.
One day, we had a conversation.
Me: Why are you doing that?
My daughter: So, mommy can laugh.
That is her answer and she will keep doing the same thing repeatedly. I asked myself. "Did I fail to smile for her?"
I thought I need a psychologist or something like it. In the end, I found out that I just need a person to say just the right words.