“The fish trap exists because of the fish. Once you've gotten the fish you can forget the trap. The rabbit snare exists because of the rabbit. Once you've gotten the rabbit, you can forget the snare. Words exist because of meaning. Once you've gotten the meaning, you can forget the words. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can talk with him?”
― Zhuangzi
no, i cannot think of a time before language. and that's because i (and i say i because it alienates me if i refer to my being merely as 'who i am' or just 'who' or even worse 'what i am) have been by my own admission very good with language. I have written my life's story, you could say. i wrote on what i understood at this point and how my understanding about a thing developed. i have written on religion, consciousness, time, space, mind, on being itself — and here i have to say i have been exiled for my views, that certain people have been listening to them as well as hearing them, and i have been banished from certain circles for interpreting or misunderstanding things; or maybe even just being misunderstood.
I have been told how i really ought to think …. And this is the point. Why do we listen to so-and-so's? why do we find inspiring and edifying a person's ideas or interpretations? why do we need to explain to ourselves where we stand? what is this philosophical impression which creates the position inside ourselves where we can say to each other, in an approving way which itself has in it self a bit of that same intellectual authenticity by saying, oh yes, that line, that phrase — you, who ever said it — that interpretation, that view, that is good. I mean, if we report that we still thrill in these things, if we celebrate it live on stage, if we do the same thinking and saying when we read ideas that once influenced us. I mean, why can't we find in ourselves through writing and reading, in our re-situation, the way. Why do we need a teacher? why do we need that person to be flesh and blood in order for us to develop ideas which perhaps also were his/hers or do we just say, that person offers philosophy, s/he provides moral inspiration for day-to-day living today-here-today in an intellectual-non-trolling way. that's just about it?
bad habits take time to deflate. perhaps it is in fact consolation. perhaps it is indeed a need to respect/honor commitment to ideas: we need a role model to form our being. But most of all, i didn't mention it, but i am personally aware that when i do research for my projects often thinking about them, particularly the ones which are of utmost concern to me, requires i forget out of shame and just wing it. Thinking over thinking suspends itself so i can say — this. this I am thinking about. this is where I am at with my interpretation of the idea, of myself. My thinking at this point has nothing to do with my own survival, it has nothing to do with the idea itself — but is about my memory. Because who is anyone to ever believe that this reflection on the self is some free interpretation. I mean — the famous 'difficult moment of self-analysis' reifies because self-reflection takes us to our own stupidities; how many of them, how many of our easy conclusions, how many of my false axioms. And then I tell myself to sit down, not to come up with something, but better than that, something true. Because you have been practicing something — has a whole — it informs. Well, it is you. It is your own way of interpreting anything at all and it is useless to apologize for it, in fact, you should sit down and write it, get it out of your system. I mean, it makes sense, that we honor someone else's thinking, and keep going like this in a very predictable way with some pride "I want to do the same thing — I want to be like him — I want to contribute to his ideas myself from whatever part of reality i am situated, or living in. Well ….
No, i am so tired at hearing how philosophy is not the same thing, how 'philosophy' would trample everyone's feelings, sentiments, worldviews etc — I mean, this is a big question about being 'too big'. Maybe too big agenda. Do we need more than inspiration to feel good? No, let's just not get all worked up over philosophy. Let's just enjoy a thought that is, a thought that comes to us when we sit down and take the break, or want to be creative, or want to be a naturalist. Let's just say — it is connecting us to our past. it is inspiration for our art. it is the language which has the possibility to connect us what is beyond language.
photo credit: my visit to the costa brava in september 2020