‘Why did you do all this for me?’ he asked. ‘I don’t deserve it. I’ve never done anything for you.’
‘You have been my friend,’ replied Charlotte. ‘That in itself is a tremendous thing.
- E.B. White, Charlotte's Web
Charlotte and Her Web
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- Golden Orb Weaver photo I took in my backyard, almost ran into a giant spider. She wouldn't have let me take a picture if I had destroyed her house.
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A couple garden variety spiders left that quote in my mind. The first one left me more with panic, than a quote though. She is almost 6 inches or so! She built her web right in a walking path and if I wasn't paying attention, I'd feel like Ron Weasley in Harry Potter when the hoard of spiders was chasing after him. She was gorgeous too, my photography wasn't very good though. The shade and her web placement made it difficult! You can also see the male above her that's trying to mate.
They tend to make large cobweb style homes that span a huge complex area. The silk isn't white either, it is yellowish. They are very large spiders, so their webs are GIANT.
Worth and Self-Judgment
I think that a lot of people struggle with the idea that they are worthy. But what is worth? Who deems it? If someone says you are worthy of their love, why do you move the goal post against yourself? I always find that those who have been hurt the most struggle with their worth. The lifetime of strife caused by other individuals and their struggles affect your worth. It shouldn't be that way.
Just ask yourself some questions:
Why do you feel the way you do?
What patterns of thinking lead you to that?
Is there evidence to suggest otherwise?
Why don't you listen to that?
When searching for answers about your own inner thoughts and feelings, those questions can often lead to more questions. I could write down the infinite number of inquiries you can ponder but definitely look inwards. Do some self exploration. Contemplate what you think you are worth, and what you actually are worth.
A Male Visiter in my Backyard Garden
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- Magnolia Green Jumper close up photo curtesy of my Significant Other and their Nikon D800 with a macro lens
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This guy was in my backyard garden. It took me a while to identify because the males look very different than the females. I was surprised that the size difference between the male and female are not as vast as the Golden Orb Weaver above. I tried to take a photo but him being a little smaller made it difficult for my phone to capture it clearly. My partner was able to take the photo after me standing watch to make sure he didn't disappear! They were only able to capture one picture before it zoomed off, I'm glad the photo came out okay. It was a little out of focus but it's better than nothing!
Nature and Nature
It's in our nature to want to be something we're not. Prettier, smarter, taller, funnier, more muscular. But really dissect those statements. There's the urge to be a better version of yourself. And then there are thoughts of being a different person than yourself. Prettier, what kind of beauty? Is it just make up, hair, or are you wanting to change the structure of your body or skin.
Things you can change vs. things you can't:
You can learn to be a little smarter. You can learn to be a bit funnier. You can definitely exercise to gain muscle or lose weight. But if you are a full grown human, your looks are mostly stuck the same. You can change your hair, or make up, or clothes, or beauty routine.
But you can't change your physical looks without something more drastic. Really think about the things you may not like about yourself and think about if they are reasonable demands. It's okay to have a thought or two about these things but you might want to take a step back if you've become self-hating or a negative self talker. It's in our nature to always want to be better, even competitive with others in terms of traits.
But think about nature. For example, if a male is unsuccessful with a mating attempt, he tries again elsewhere. If an animal fails a hunt and goes hungry, they try again. If a spider builds a web and it is destroyed, they build again. Even if those animals may not be above average in terms of capabilities, they don't think about that. They just try to succeed at what they can do. Think about what you can and can't do realistically. Every human fails, it's what you do with that failure is what matters.
I'll Leave You with a Small Quote
“The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.”
- Stephen McCranie
My Goodbyes
As always, thanks for listening to my story and me rambling about stuff. I always appreciate every interaction, no matter how small it may be. I love the Hive community and all of you who put effort into making it a good place to be in.
Thanks so much!
