Dearest Needleworking Friends of Hive!
I finally finished something!! The big blanket coat, at last is ready to be picked up by Stefania!! Phew: this has been a week of a bit of straining and wrestling with things (see my post about DeBanking from this Saturday past – which is likely to only be Part One of DeBanking!), realigning specific areas of life, and possibly overdoing things physically a little. I’ve been glad of a slowing down and completion over the weekend, AND am looking VERY much forward to a special-issimo relaxing fancy dinner out with my Beloved on Wednesday – for our anniversary of half a year together!!
Note: you can see the progress of this coat, since my beginning it over a year ago:
The blanket coat is a joy, in the end: it came together very nicely, and though the bias-binding (the black borders on all the unkempt seams) – at least the handsewn parts – was long and tedious in places, mostly the finishing has been deeply rewarding; most satisfying and fulfilling on multiple levels.
Again, I have been having to face my insecurities, those which I thought had been well processed throughout my long painting career, but which now are rippling outwards daily, as I delve deeper and deeper into my most Blessed relationship with my Dearest Heart, 
It is very good to have the time and the sentience – the presence of mind – to be able to face all of these fears, and to move through them, even letting them express themselves here and there, where appropriate. As it is good also to write to corporations like Wirex and tell them just how they are affecting my life and work: just speaking the Truth, not trying to manipulate (as they appear to be) or to demand results; simply stating this is how I Am Living, and this is how your actions bring disharmony to that Living.
Sewing always, even if it takes a terribly long time, brings me/ us back to harmony. Especially such a long project, sewn by hand, cannot help but encourage flow, good rhythm, and a beautiful completing vibe as a garment comes into its right shape and balance. Trusting this process demands such mastery though, eh! It demands such patience and dedication; keeping our mind clear so that the stitches keep straight and true. Keeping our calm even when there appear to be hiccups or blocks – like the new sewing machine locking on me, and being incapable of running over the thicker parts of the construction – pah!!!
Vincent helps me a great deal, being so level-minded and emotionally mature and kind and diplomatic: he reflects back to me what is going on, without my feeling too humiliated at having had someone else notice my particularly-bad mood. He says just enough, to push me to sit up straighter, and to breathe more deeply, as I work. And this in turn makes my work better. Makes me work better. It brings the harmony back in, which is sometimes a tad elusive to me, as I get into a big messy pile of fabric, without a map.
Again I come back to my intuitive practise, and when I’m in the middle of that pile of seeming detritis, it feels like I cannot do it; I get in a bit of a panic, and my neuroses well up to the surface and punish me further. I get blinded by my insecurities at times like this, and even if I still can see my vision of what’s unfolding, I slow down horribly, and this feels like standstill to me.
So one thing I have decided in this last project – though I probably cannot do it until I finish the second coat, as the needles do not seem to work for the heavy raincoat fabric – is to use the sewing machine for the bulk of whatever garments I am creating, and to have handsewing ONLY FOR THE DETAILS AND THE FINISHING OFF!
I endeavour to not be sewing great lengths of very hard to penetrate fabric, and I endeavour also to stop when I am tired! I will additionally TRY MY VERY BEST to keep a tidier workroom; this last thing does get in the way a bit of my easy creating.
It might be too that I am in more tension than usual, as the systems which used to provide convenience and efficiency in earning and spending, now appear to be transforming into presumed ’authorities’ without conscience or responsibility, who are trampling over our Rights and Freedoms and ignoring us even when we stand in our Right. This is something I’ve stood up to all my Life, and have not compromised with: I’ve prioritised Freedom at every stage of my colourful career, and have never accepted the societal ‘norms’ of restrictions and limitations in return for perceived ‘comforts’ and ‘stability’.
It is a big thing for me to be facing off with my last-stance banking possibility, and to know that I do not approve of their behaviours, which may result in my being ‘debanked’ altogether. At least this clears my mind around how to develop any ‘busyness’ or organisational structure around my creative process. It helps me see that I can only accept organic and spontaneous Living Relationship, Right relationship, with folks that I make clothing for – just as I did with my Art. career. That in itself, helps me let go of what I cannot change, and what is not Right, and to dedicate all my divine co-creative power into what I know Is Right.
