Item#: SCP-082 also known as "Fernand the Cannibal
Object Class: Euclid
Just over a few weeks ago, Dr. Sallinger had been a senior researcher at the SCP Foundation, but a tragic mistake he made, had cost the lives of several of his co-researchers.
Now he was being led down a hallway, accompanied by armed guards. The once admired researcher had a very different title now: D-0082-1. He had been demoted to D-class personnel, which meant that he was nothing more than a test subject, basically a death sentence!
However as he was being taken to one of the SCP containment units, he wasn't wearing the standard D-class orange jumpsuit. He was dressed in French style fancy dining wear, similar to those worn in 18th century France. It looked look more like the doctor was on his way to meet French nobility than an SCP.
The former researcher had begged the site director for any other assignment when he was demoted, but the director would not budge, Dr Sallinger was to have teatime with SCP-082. Although not the worst punishment in the world, as there were many other SCP's that were much more evil than SCP-082. Dr. Sallinger had heard the rumors of the giant creature they called Fernand The Cannibal, but the doctor hoped that those were just stories.
The doctor had always been the social type and enjoyed talking with others, so he should make the perfect guest for SCP-082 the director said, and if the creature found him sufficiently entertaining then he might even leave the containment cell alive!
The guards pushed Dr. Sallinger into SCP-082's containment cell, but to his surprise the inside was a large luxuriously decorated room. The door was locked behind him and Sallinger cautiously explored his surroundings.
The doctor felt like a child, he was surrounded by huge and freakishly tall furniture, and the ceiling was at least three meters high. The strong floral perfume that was present in the air, couldn't completely cover up the smell of death that lingered in the rooms and halls of SCP-082's palace.
The SCP Foundation had convinced Fernand that he was the king of France, and that his containment unit was a palace where he had to stay for his own safety. The good behavior of SCP-082 and the safety of everyone else, relied on visitors keeping up this charade.
The doctor had been given a quick crash course on how best to survive an encounter with SCP-082, and his superiors had given him set of clear objectives:
-Talk to the creature
-Be polite and friendly
-Find out more about his mysterious past
-And don't annoy him if you want to survive!
The former scientist tried to steady his nerves and focus on the mission. Looking at this surreal French palace, he began to wonder if all those crazy stories could maybe be true after all. At that moment a freakishly huge man walked into the chamber, it was him: SCP-082 AKA Fernand The Cannibal!
SCP-082 is a 2.5 meter tall giant, a broad and muscular man that weighs over 300 kilos! Although genetically human, it is not yet known how Fernand has grown this big. Many of his physical features are disproportional, like his tiny eyes and large feet. He also has extremely dense muscle tissue, and scans have revealed that several bullets and blades are stuck within his flesh!
SCP-082 stood right in front of Dr. Sallinger and stared at him like a hungry beast. Just the look of him terrorized the doctor, but the swallowed his fear, not wanting to offend Fernand. Instead he remembered his training and politely bowed.
He forced a smile and and said: "thank you your highness for being so gracious and granting me an audience".
Fernand kept staring without saying anything, but then cracked a big smile, showing off his huge teeth.
SCP-082 never opened it's mouth, not even while talking, the only exception to this unwritten rule being eating and singing. Instead he would always keep his jaws locked and talked through his clenched teeth.
Fernand laughed, he thanked doctor Sallinger for visiting him and invited him in, adding in English with a heavy French accent: "don't be shy, I won't bite".
SCP-082 complained that he rarely gets visitors anymore, but conveniently left out that the reason for this, is that he tends to often eat his guests. Sallinger simply nodded, and followed Fernand further into his palace.
It was hard for the doctor to focus on the small talk with Fernand, as he could rip the doctor in half in an instant, if he wanted, but Fernand just kept talking and talking, like everything was completely normal.
He mentioned that he was thinking of having some renovations and decorating work done, his palace was apparently in need of a makeover, and he pointed out a brownish red stain on one of the walls as an example. Fernand's palace did get regular cleaning and maintenance done, but often the D-class personnel that was sent in to perform the work became victims themselves.
The two had now arrived at a large kitchen, and Fernand asked the doctor to take a seat, as he went into the kitchen to make some tea.
The doctor was stunned at how smoothly everything was going, but knew from Fernand's file that this was part of his routine.
Surprisingly when Fernand wasn't on a violent rampage, he was normally very polite, social, and even talkative. Unfortunately though he is also a pathological liar, so not much besides his name is known. When researchers confront him on his lies he excuses himself by saying: "but I only lie when it's through my teeth!"
But they don't call Fernand the cannibal for nothing! This was a monster with a horrifying body count. During previous containment breaches he has attacked and eaten many guards on the spot!
With his huge teeth and incredible jaw strength he is able to chomp right through bone. In those instances only large amounts of tranquilizers have been able to subdue Fernand and re-contain him.
Although so far the conversation had been nothing more than light chit-chat, Fernand now changed the subject to one of his heroes, Dr. Hannibal Lecter, which unsettled Sallinger.
He expressed a great desire to meet the doctor one day, and instead of correcting him that Dr. Lecter isn't real, Sallinger told him that he would try to arrange a visit from the doctor as soon as possible. This pleased Fernand, and the doctor hoped that this would guarantee his safety while in SCP-082's containment cell.
Even though Fernand is quite smart and shows heightened intelligence when it comes to memory and puzzle solving, he doesn't seem to be able to distinguish between fact and fiction. He assumes that all movies and tv shows are either reality television or a documentary.
Fernand now took a seat at the table himself, right next to the doctor. The two drink their tea for a while, when suddenly Fernand asks in a typical English accent: "Would you like to play a game?"
This was strange since normally Fernand only spoke French or heavily accented English. For a second Dr. Sallinger thought this was the end for him, but he quickly realized what was going on.
Fernand also enjoyed dressing up as his favorite characters, and can often quickly switch from one personality to another. Something that the researchers at the SCP Foundation believe is linked to his tendency to lie and inability to distinguish between reality and fiction.
Some of his favorite characters include: Frankenstein, Frankenstein's monster, the Hulk, Alexander the great, a vampire, and even a fictional SCP researcher named Dr. Bright. Of course in this case he had now taken the persona of Sherlock Holmes.
Dr Sallinger played along to the best of his abilities and assumed the role of Dr. Watson. The two played their game, and at one point Sallinger almost forgot that he was in a life and death situation, but then Fernand suddenly froze.
He locked eyes with the doctor and slowly opened his giant mouth. This was it. All his efforts had been for nothing, and it seemed Dr. Sallinger would become yet another meal for Fernand. Fernand leaned towards him, his face just centimeters away from the doctor's, but then began to sing an old Victorian era sea shanty!
Paralyzed by fear Dr. Sallinger had forgotten that the only other reason SCP-082 opened his mouth was to sing. He felt relieved and together they sang until Foundation guards came to pick up Sallinger, his ordeal was finally over.
He had done it, he had survived an encounter with SCP-082! Hopefully the director would now restore him to his old job, and he would never have to meet another SCP face to face again.
Unfortunately for Dr. Sallinger, a report was published about his meeting with SCP-082. Fernand had enjoyed his company, and the doctor had done a great job. Such a good job that Fenand insisted that he should come back sometime very soon for dinner!
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this story from the SCP Universe!
This story is based on the original post on the SCP-wiki from FritzWillie, and is posted under a creative commons license.