Tradition, culture, and society aren’t always always in favor of the man, and from the time you are born and called a man, long before you understand what life entails, a position and a path are already decided for you. You grow up learning that a man must always be strong, you must give even when there is nothing, you must carry burdens without appearing weak, you must never complain even when you are suffering.
This position does not always make itself obvious in the early stages of life especially when one is single as you feel like life is in your own hands, you have full control, you do what you want when you want and you move as you please with no external pressures. But when marriage comes along things start to slowly and steadily change, and sometimes you don't realize how far you have stepped into the system that already has certain expectations set for you. You begin living by a norm that wasn’t set by you but which has been around from time immemorial, and eventually you end up playing the part tradition and culture decided for you to the best of your ability.
In most homes in Africa today, a man is given all the responsibilities of a family, this is often not an equally shared responsibility. He is called the head of the family, and that title comes with the implication that he must provide all without fial.
It can be everything from the rent on the house, to meals on the table, to kids' school fees to utility bills and a whole array of things. And at all times he's expected to be a rock for his family to rely on, nothing can be seen to be missing and there must be no lack. It doesn't matter what he is going through, it doesn't matter how he feels, he's still expected to be available and present to deliver.
This ongoing pressure is one reason why a lot of African men are silently broken, because they are not even allowed to complain and so, gradually illness or other health issues take over his life, something that could have been avoided.
There are homes that are even more problematic because it is the man alone that carries all of this without adequate support from members of the family who are dependent on him. So, the man continues to give while nothing equivalent seems to come to him.
The sad aspect is even when he's sick, the burden of responsibilities never seem to reduce as life goes on with everyone still expectant of him to provide just like before. Failure to meet these expectations especially in the area of finances leads him to be coldly received and sometimes even regarded in his own home as a failure.
As I write these lines, my mind goes to my present situation, and I find myself shaking my head and can't help but feel like there is no way out of it for me either as an African man. I feel the burden that culture and tradition have heaped upon the African man and that can't be avoided. It is almost a sacrilege to ask a woman to provide for the home, and in a lot of cases if you mention such a thing, she would ask you if you are not ashamed of yourself.
The sad reality is there is little place for a man when the going gets rough, because despite what you may have done or how much you may have given, it is unlikely that many women will truly be by the husband's side during tough times without ill feeling or judgment.
This is the life of the African man; a life where a strong backbone is continually expected, but support often missing, and not until the situation changed responsibilities will continue to fall on one person alone,(the man).