Hola, buenas tardes, hermosa comunidad, espero todos esten bien.
Hoy vengo a contarles una historia personal que me marco y como esa experiencia me ayudo a soltar algo que desde que tengo uso de razon, me tenia muy mal.
No es un secreto en mi vida que siempre he tenido una relacion fuerte con mi familia, sobre todo con mi mama y tambien mi abuela materna, ya que mi abuela era una mujer narcisista, mala, egocentrista, prepotente, exigente y hacia cosas malas y no le importaba nada, mi abuela lo unico que le enseño a su hija (mi mama) fue la soledad por su parte, ya que por una sola tonteria de mi mama que no revelare aqui por respeto a ella, la condeno a mas nunca darle un abrazo, ni apoyarla, ni decirle todas esas cosas que queremos y necesitamos que nuestras mamas nos digan como: "te quiero", "te amo", "estoy orgullosa de ti", "sigue adelante que tu puedes" y etc. Eso formo a una persona fria que tuvo que aprender a salir de los problemas ella solita, a pasarle por encima a las cosas y salir adelante y punto, pero ¿por que? porque no tuvo quien le dijera "tranquila, estoy aqui, te voy a apoyar, que necesitas?", nada, no tuvo nada de ella por la parte emocional, lo cual tambien creo a una mujer narcisista y esa mujer narcisista tuvo 3 hijas, las cuales estoy segura de que ama mucho pero ha cometido demasiados errores a lo largo de los años, pero ese sera otro tema que toque en otro post para hablarles un poco mas sobre mi y como sobrellevar a una persona narcisista cuando te toca vivir con ellos.
En octubre del año pasado sucedio algo, mi abuela era fumadora compulsiva, desde la adolescencia y ya ella tenia 76 años, imaginense cuantas decadas fumando y ella hacia literalmente lo que fuera con tal de conseguir sus cigarros, un dia a ella se le habian terminado y estaba demasiado desesperada, lo cual puedo entender por la abstinencia obviamente pero no teniamos dinero para comprarle cigarros y ella tampoco y ese dia vino a la casa la pareja de mi mama al cual amo como un papa por cierto, a visitarla y a traerle un dinero que ella necesitaba para unos examenes ya que a mi mama, el covid la dejo muy mal y la dejo hipertensa entre otras cosas y se puso muy mal con eso y necesitaba hacerse unos examenes pero no tenia dinero y el se lo dio a ella, 10$, esos 10$... Dios mio.
Ese dia en la tarde, mi novio y yo salimos ya que, yo tenia cita con mi psicologa y el siempre me acompañaba para apoyarme y cuando volvimos a casa, nos quedamos un rato en la sala conversando con mi mama como siempre, cabe destacar que antes de irnos, yo le hice a mi mama la observación de que los 10$ estaban puestos en un gabinete en la cocina, que tuviera cuidado se le cayeran o algo y ella dijo que ok que ella en un rato los guardaba, luego de un rato de estar conversando, ya casi de noche, mi mama dijo "voy a guardar el billete que no lo he guardado" y cuando fue a ver, el dinero no estaba, buscamos por todos lados, hasta debajo de las piedras como decimos aqui y nada y lo que si note fue que mi abuela se quedo muy tranquila cuando ella antes de salir, estaba muy alterada por sus cigarros, mi mama se puso a llorar de la rabia de que ese dinero se perdio.
Unos dias despues, mi novio y yo volvimos de la calle y entramos al cuarto a descansar y me acerque al closet de mi mama a buscar un bolso mio, cuando llego al closet, ahi estaban los 10$, cabe destacar que en la casa no habia nadie, solo mi abuela y luego llegamos nosotros. Yo enseguida le escribi a mi mama y le dije que ahi estaba el dinero y se lo guarde en un lugar donde ella siempre guarda el dinero en efectivo.
Me quede mas tranquila por mi mama porque ella realmente necesitaba hacerse esos examenes, unos dias despues, a mi abuela se le volvieron a terminar los cigarros y ese dia yo sali un rato con mi hijo a comprar unas cosas, y nuevamente, la casa se quedo sola, solo estaba mi abuela y cuando volvimos, el cuarto de mi mama estaba todo revuelto y donde guarde el dinero, abierto y enseguida le dije a mi mama, y que creen? ella me culpo a mi, si, dijo y aseguro que fui yo quien la robo cuando todo apuntaba totalmente a que habia sido mi abuela.
Por dias llore, todos me dieron la espalda, una de mis hermanas hablo muy mal de mi, tan mal que deje de hablarle por un tiempo y me aleje de ella, cosa que me destrozo, todos me trataban mal, mi mama mas que todo y yo no hayaba como probar que no habia sido yo, mi psicologa tuvo que enseñarme que yo no puedo controlar las cosas que los demas piensan de mi y es cierto.
Pero entre cielo y tierra, nada esta oculto, una mañana mi mama llego de la calle y mi hermana menor se levanto a saludarla, yo estaba en la cocina a espaldas de ella, haciendo comida y mi hermana le conto a mi mama de la manera mas inocente que ella vio a nuestra abuela meterse al cuarto, revisar todo y abrir las gavetas, a lo cual yo me di la vuelta y lo unico que salio de mi fue un "TE LO DIJE", recuerdo que me gano la rabia y fue horrible.
¿Que aprendi de esto? no puedo apegarme ni controlar lo que los demas piensen de mi, sea cierto o falso, nunca debemos tratar de convencer a alguien de algo y mucho menos si esa persona esta "segura" de lo que esta diciendo, aprender a soltar eso, me ayudo mucho, me senti mejor, claro, aun me faltan muchas cosas mas que pulir y soltar pero al menos eso si lo solte y ahora cada vez que dicen cualquier cosa sobre mi, lo ignoro y me da igual ya que, esa es su creencia, no la mia. Para mi esta experiencia fue muy fuerte y sufri mucho, pero deje de esperar que otros me crean y sepan quien soy, quien lo quiera ver, bien y quien no, tambien. Muchas gracias por leer y hasta la proxima.
How did i learn to let go.
Hello, good afternoon, beautiful community, I hope everyone is well.
Today I come to tell you a personal story that marked me and how that experience helped me to let go of something that, since I can remember, had me very bad.
It is not a secret in my life that I have always had a strong relationship with my family, especially with my mother and also my maternal grandmother, since my grandmother was a narcissistic, bad, self-centered, arrogant, demanding woman and did bad things and She didn't care about anything, my grandmother the only thing she taught her daughter (my mom) was loneliness on her part, because for a single nonsense of my mom that I will not reveal here out of respect for her, I condemn her to never give her more a hug, or support her, or tell her all those things that we want and need our moms to tell us like: "I love you", "I love you", "I'm proud of you", "keep going that you can" and etc. That formed a cold person who had to learn to get out of problems by herself, to go over things and get ahead, period, but why? because she had no one to tell her "calm down, I'm here, I'm going to support you, what do you need?", nothing, she had nothing from her for the emotional part, which also created a narcissistic woman and that narcissistic woman had 3 daughters, which I am sure he loves very much but has made too many mistakes over the years, but that will be another topic that I touch on in another post to tell you a little more about me and how to cope with a narcissistic person when you have to live with them .
In October of last year something happened, my grandmother was a compulsive smoker, since adolescence and she was already 76 years old, imagine how many decades she had smoked and she did literally whatever it took to get her cigarettes, one day she had run out and she was too desperate, which I can understand because of her abstinence, obviously, but we didn't have money to buy her cigarettes and neither did she, and that day my mom's partner came to the house, whom I love like a dad, by the way, to visit her and bring her some money that she needed for some exams since my mom, the covid left her very ill and left her with high blood pressure, among other things, and she became very ill with that and she needed to have some exams but she had no money and he gave it to her, 10 $, that $10... oh my god.
That day in the afternoon, my boyfriend and I went out since I had an appointment with my psychologist and he always accompanied me to support me and when we returned home, we stayed for a while in the living room talking with my mother as always, it should be noted that Before we left, I made the observation to my mother that the $10 was put in a cabinet in the kitchen, that she should be careful if it fell or something and she said that it was okay that she would put it away in a while, after a while Talking for a while, almost at night, my mom said "I'm going to keep the bill I haven't kept it" and when she went to see, the money was not there, we searched everywhere, even under the rocks as we say here and nothing and what I did notice was that my grandmother remained very calm when she was very upset by her cigarettes before leaving, my mother began to cry with rage that that money was lost.
A few days later, my boyfriend and I came back from the street and went into the room to rest and I went to my mom's closet to look for my bag, when I got to the closet, there were the $10, it should be noted that there was no house There was nobody, only my grandmother and then we arrived. I immediately wrote to my mother and told her that the money was there and I kept it in a place where she always keeps cash.
I was calmer for my mom because she really needed to have those exams, a few days later, my grandmother ran out of cigarettes again and that day I went out for a while with my son to buy some things, and again, the house became I was left alone, only my grandmother was there and when we returned, my mom's room was all messed up and where I kept the money, it was open and I immediately told my mom, and what do you think? She blamed me, yes, she said and I assure you that I was the one who stole it when everything totally pointed to the fact that it had been my grandmother.
I cried for days, everyone turned their backs on me, one of my sisters spoke very badly of me, so bad that I stopped talking to her for a while and moved away from her, which destroyed me, everyone treated me badly, my mother more than anything and there was no way to prove that it had not been me, my psychologist had to teach me that I cannot control the things that others think of me and it is true.
But between heaven and earth, nothing is hidden, one morning my mother came from the street and my younger sister got up to greet her, I was in the kitchen behind her back, making food and my sister told my mother how more innocent than she, she saw our grandmother go into the room, go through everything and open the drawers, to which I turned around and the only thing that came out of me was "I TOLD YOU SO", I remember that I got angry and it was awful.
What did I learn from this? I cannot get attached or control what others think of me, whether true or false, we should never try to convince someone of something, much less if that person is "sure" of what they are saying, learning to let go of that, it helped me a lot, I felt better, of course, I still have many more things to polish and release but at least that's what I released and now every time they say anything about me, I ignore it and I don't care because that's their belief, not mine. For me this experience was very strong and I suffered a lot, but I stopped expecting others to believe me and know who I am, whoever wants to see it, well and who doesn't, too. Thank you very much for reading and until next time.