Has it ever happened to you in your life when you remembered that you had already lived that moment before?
I'm going to tell you about one of the many times I have had this thought and then realized that it was not a deya vu but that this episode really existed at some point in my life.
I was studying at the time and wanted to be a lab assistant, or assistant or whatever you want to call it, I was working in a not very big hospital in a city and it happened one day while I was on duty that someone needed my services.
I went to the place and while attending to the patient I met a guy who I thought was very handsome and he also stopped to smile at me. While I was taking my lab sample, he watched me but didn't say anything to me.
I can say that I was called three more times and I would go and look around to see this young man who was also a hospital worker. I liked him and I think he liked me too. Everything stayed there, nothing else happened, days went by and I never saw him again. My classes rotated and I moved on to another place.
Days and years went by, I remembered the young man for a few days, but in my following shifts I never saw him again. I finished my studies and went to another city.
On one occasion, while I was working in the laboratory of my new job at the hospital, they sent for me to take a blood sample in the emergency room. I went by the place calling for the patient and waited for a while until someone pointed the way to the patient.
As I passed a group of people, I kept looking at a guy who also looked at me. I thought I knew him but I didn't know from where or when.
It was when I was leaning over the patient taking his blood sample when I stood up, I looked to the side and looked at him again, it was the memory of another day from another time but it was the same guy I saw some years ago, maybe 3 years since I finished studying and came to this city.
It was the same handsome guy I saw in the other hospital and he also had that same impression from his face, I think. This time we had the opportunity to meet several times in the corridors, in the cafeteria, on call.
We talked, I knew right away that he liked me too, but no, neither of us talked enough to say that we had seen each other before, nor to talk about personal matters.
One day while I was in the lab, he came and brought me a boy. He wanted me to meet him, that was his child, he was 2 years old. My heart felt beating as fast as it could and my face I don't know if it reflected what my heart felt.
The young man I now liked so much had a son and maybe he was married. No, my body wanted to run out of there but I held on until he took the child and introduced him to all the lab staff. My sadness had not yet surfaced, I had to hide it as much as I could and I managed to do it. It was my personal tragedy without comment and without having lived anything with the other person.
Days went by and I did not see him again because I avoided meeting him in the places where I always met him.
Until one day he met me at the coffee shop. I was having a coffee and he came and greeted me. He asked to sit at the same table there with me and then he started talking about things that were not about patients or work. He said to me...
"I recognized you when I saw you in the emergency room, I knew you were the same beautiful girl who captivated me one day while I was studying there at the hospital in another city. In the same hospital where you saw me but you disappeared. In a week I looked for you and you were gone and no one knew you. I finished my studies and returned to my city, there I met the mother of my son and after a while we got married. When I saw you again those memories came to my mind. It was you, the pretty girl in the lab samples, I liked you, I like you but I already have a family.
That's why I never talked to you about feelings until now.I saw your face and I know you were troubled to see my son and I thought it necessary to explain this to you. Now that you know, I am at peace. Even though I liked you and now the same feeling as before has returned, I can no longer promise or give you anything and I don't want to ask for anything either.
Just let me see you whenever I can, there and there taking the samples in this hospital."
I looked at him as he spoke to me and I felt my hands trembling at every word he said, because they were digging into my heart. A frustrated love before and after. It's the things of life.
I was able to tell him then not to worry about me, that he was seeing things that were not happening and that we could see each other just like always, in the hallways and in all the places we frequented in the hospital without any problem. That it wasn't like he thought, I felt some joy seeing him like seeing anyone else and so it would continue to be. He said goodbye but I noticed he wanted to shake my hand but I made myself that I was busy with my coffee and I lowered my head to miss his hand, he pulled away.
No, it wasn't like that, it wasn't like I said, I tried to hide as much as I could but he means a lot to me and now I must give up what I feel and leave here. I will not bear to see him every day and not be able to hide my feelings.
I planned and looked for a place to travel to and leave again for another place where his memory will be erased with the oblivion of absence. I’m not made for love. I have not loved anyone for many years and when the opportunity presented itself, I lost it and twice in a row. When people are not the right one something along the way removes them from life and that is what life did with me. It took it away again and again and again.
I hope you can understand me, but I am a woman who fights when the odds are in my favor but when the odds are stacked against me, I prefer to retreat and that is what I did.
I went far away, said goodbye to everyone in my lab and informed no one else of my changes and went to another hospital much farther away than the ones I had been in so far. Far away from him, far away from his memory.
Years have passed and today I am remembering in the distance of my life and my years. I was not born to love and I still remember him but I no longer have him in my heart but in my mind. I think I forgot him and in my heart no one else could ever enter until now and I think it's too late because I don't think about love.
I hope you enjoyed this imaginary love story.
