Emotional Wounds.
When Loli began her medical studies, her father took care of finding her a trusted student residence; she was a foreigner, coming from another state. Through an acquaintance she was referred to this place where her father finally put her up.
The people in charge were a young couple who had a little girl; the wife worked tirelessly during the day, outside the home (I hope she read this publication, but I never heard from her again), he was a law student, he stayed at home doing housework and taking care of his little daughter, while she worked. For Loli he was admirable (it was really unthinkable that this devoted father had any dark intentions).
In the house upstairs were male students and downstairs they lived with only herself as a tenant, so it was obvious that this place had been adapted for her.
Things started off well...with time, she began to notice that her clothes (more than once) were found full of seminal fluid (you know) but the first few times, in her naivety, she did not even imagine what it was.
These events were repeated several times; until she finally understood what was happening, her heart was beating a thousand per minute, what was she doing? The expenses for his father being a resident were enormous and he could not even tell him about the situation, much less ask him to find another place to live.
After some time arriving from the university, that man told her while he took her by the arm; "come and I'll show you what a boy to whom I lent the bathroom just did to me, what a surprise I got when I came in" she said to me, when I got to the door she saw that there was semen in the sink.
She was petrified, without uttering a single word, trying to understand what was happening and ran to her room very scared and locked herself in for hours, until the man's wife arrived.
Of course she was very confused, she was very scared; she was only 17 years old arriving to a city with a totally different culture. Loli had little conversation with them, she simply gave a truce even with the fear; her studies did not stop and it was simply what occupied her mind.
Until one day, when she was leaving for the university at noon, that man covered only with a towel grabbed her shoulders and said "haven't you noticed that I really like you".
She remembers that as soon as she could she let go, ran out of that place until she felt that he could not touch her anymore, that he could not hurt her anymore. That night she did not return to the dorm...the next day she went to get her things and the rest was to look for another place to live. She kept quiet, did not tell anyone what had happened.
Over the years she found herself face to face with him, he was no longer a student, but a prestigious lawyer and they both attended a congress on Health Sciences...when she saw him she felt the same panic as the first time, but her fears did not even allow her to tell him everything that her heart and soul felt at that moment. SEXUAL ABUSE (because it can present itself in any of its manifestations).
After that horrible experience his self-esteem was at rock bottom.She managed to move even with her 17 years old to another residence with a fellow student: she would no longer be alone, she was still very naive and trusting (she did not know that there were so many perverse people) because of the way she lived and grew up in her hometown during her childhood.
By that time she had a small "wart" in her perineal region, very close to her vulva, which just with panty garters or tight clothing became inflamed and sore.
Her father took her to a doctor of recognized academic and professional trajectory (by that time he was already quite an old man).
He told her father "that's easy to get rid of, bring her to the next appointment and we'll sort it out. The first time her father came in; the second time she came in alone and the doctor didn't even have an assistant (but she was so scared that she didn't even pay attention to the matter).
The doctor told her to sit there on a gynecological chair where she timidly placed herself very, very scared. The procedure was done shortly but the doctor subtly ran his fingers over her pantyhose and brushed her genitals.
The helpless Loli was pale and very scared and immediately understood that something was not right, that something bad was happening and said in a loud voice "doctor, it's over" and he immediately said, "yes, you can get off" I think he was grateful for my interruption because surely he could no longer control his impulses.
She got out scared and looked at her father who politely said goodbye to that doctor, while she was leaving badly because a deep feeling of disgust (that the victim can perceive) did not give her peace of mind.
Obviously she kept quiet, kept silent and did not discuss it with her father and over the years I learned that the aforementioned and recognized academic eminence doctor had died and she was grateful for it... she felt peace (she really does not know why, but it was so).
Loli had lived through situations of this type (understanding that there are very subtle forms that still represent violence or sexual abuse). She had experienced it firsthand and knew what it meant; they were emotional wounds that she had to resolve.
And it was a long time later that she understood that she should have said what happened to her at the time and never kept silent, because silence perhaps allowed those abusers to continue committing those crimes and perhaps with worse results than what Loli experienced.
She should never have been so trusting. It is not about keeping silent to overprotect oneself; but to understand that sexual abuse and indecent assault (also typified in the law) happen; sometimes, with whom we least think and where we least believe.#NoToSexualAbuse
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After all this that she had to live at the age of 17, Loli got married, she was unfaithful (to the point that a "friend" got pregnant by her husband) and said no more abuse or violence!.
She went through hard times, 3 years more or less that lasted the spite, until she healed. She has left one relationship after another where there was violence, and she felt that life could not be like that and that no woman deserved to suffer so much for anything or anyone.
She realized and reacted in time, decided not to allow any more fear or suffering; she thought about the wounds she had not yet forgiven herself, triggering her low self-esteem, and decided with conviction (this is as far as I can go because this does not make me happy).
She somehow managed to get out of those toxic situations; with courage, knowing that she deserved the best, with her virtues and defects, and above all without paying attention to what others thought and said. She learned to relate better and to forgive what she kept quiet for so long. It was her life, not theirs.
Heridas Emocionales.
Cuando Loli inicio su carrera de Medicina su padre se ocupó de buscarle una residencia estudiantil de confianza; ella era foránea, venía de otro estado. Por medio de algún conocido fue referida a ese lugar donde finalmente su padre la alojó.
Los encargados eran una joven pareja que tenían una pequeña niña; la esposa trabajaba incansablemente durante el día, fuera del hogar (ojalá leyera esta publicación, pero de ella no supe más), él era un estudiante de derecho, se quedaba en casa dedicado a labores domésticas y al cuidando de su pequeña hija, mientras ella trabajaba. Para Loli era admirable (realmente era impensable siquiera que aquel abnegado papá, tuviera intenciones oscuras).
En la vivienda, arriba se alojaban estudiantes masculinos y en la planta baja habitaban ellos y solamente estaba ella, como inquilina, de manera que era obvio que ese lugar, había sido adaptado para ella.
Las cosas comenzaron bien...con el tiempo, comenzó a notar que su ropa (más de una vez) la encontró llena de líquido seminal (ya ustedes saben) pero las primeras ocasiones en su ingenuidad, ni imaginaba de que se trataba.
Esos eventos se repitieron varias veces; hasta que al fin entendió lo que pasaba, su corazón latía a mil por minuto, ¿qué hacía? Los gastos para su padre siendo residente eran enormes y no podía, ni contarle esa situación; ni mucho menos pedirle que le buscara otro lugar para vivir.
Luego de un tiempo llegando de la universidad, aquel hombre le dice mientras le tomaba del brazo; "ven y te muestro lo que me acaba de hacer un chico al que le presté el baño,tamaña sorpresa me lleve al entrar" me comenta cuando llego a la puerta observó que en el lavamanos había semen.
Se quedó petrificada, sin pronunciar una sola palabra, tratando de entender aquello y salió corriendo a su habitación muy asustada y se encerró por horas, hasta que llegó la esposa de aquel hombre.
Por supuesto estaba muy confundida, tenía mucho miedo; apenas 17 años llegando a una ciudad con una cultura totalmente diferente. Loli poco conversaba con ellos, simplemente dio una tregua aún con el temor; sus estudios no se detenían y simplemente era lo que ocupaba su mente.
Hasta que un día, cuando salía al mediodía a la universidad, aquel hombre cubierto solo con una toalla la agarró por sus hombros y le dijo " no te has dado cuenta que me gustas mucho".
Ella recuerda que como pudo se soltó, salió corriendo de aquel lugar hasta sentir que ya no podía tocarla más, que no podría hacerle más daño. Aquella noche no volvió a la residencia estudiantil...al día siguiente fue por sus cosas y lo demás era buscar otro lugar donde vivir. Se quedo callada ,no le contó a nadie lo sucedido.
Con los años se encontró frente a frente con él, ya no era estudiante; si no, unos prestigiosos abogados y ambos asistieron a un congreso sobre Ciencias de la Salud...cuando lo vio sintió el mismo pánico de la primera vez, pero sus miedos no le permitieron siquiera decirle todo lo que su alma y corazón sentían en ese momento. El ABUSO SEXUAL (porque puede presentarse en cualquiera de sus manifestaciones).
Después de esa horrible experiencia su autoestima estaba por el suelo. Logro mudarse aun con sus 17 años a otra residencia con una compañera de estudios: ya no estaría sola, aún era muy ingenua y confiada (no sabía que existía tanta gente perversa) por la manera en la que vivió y creció en su pueblo natal durante su infancia.
Para ese entonces tenía una pequeña "verruga" en su región perineal, muy cerca de su vulva, que justo con las ligas de las pantys o con ropa ajustada se le inflamaba y dolía.
Su padre la llevó a un doctor de reconocida trayectoria académica y profesional (para ese entonces ya era un señor bastante mayor).
Él le dijo a su papá "eso se quita fácil " tráela a la próxima consulta y resolveremos. La primera vez entró su papá; en la segunda consulta entro sola y además el doctor no tenía ni asistente (pero estaba tan asustada que ni pendiente del asunto).
El doctor le dijo colócate ahí en una silla ginecológica donde tímidamente se ubicó muy, muy asustada. El procedimiento se hizo en breve pero aquel doctor, de manera sutil pasaba sus dedos sobre sus pantys rozando sus genitales.
La indefensa Loli estaba pálida y muy asustada e inmediatamente entendió que algo no estaba bien, que algo malo sucedía y dijo con voz fuerte "doctor ya terminó " y el de inmediato dijo, "si, puedes bajarte" creo que agradecido por mi interrupción porque seguramente ya no podía controlar sus impulsos.
Salió asustada y miro a su padre quien se despidió cortésmente de aquel doctor, mientras ella se iba mal porque una profunda sensación de asco (que la víctima puede percibir) no le daba tranquilidad.
Obviamente calló, hizo silencio y no lo comento con su padre y con los años supe que el mencionado y reconocido doctor eminencia académica había muerto y lo agradeció...sintió paz (realmente ella no sabe por qué, pero así fue).
Loli había vivido situaciones de ese tipo (entendiéndose que existen formas muy sutiles pero que igual representan violencia o abuso sexual). Ella lo había vivido en carne propia y sabía lo que significaba; eran heridas emocionales que tenía que resolver.
Y que fue mucho tiempo después que entendió que debió decir lo que le pasó en su momento y no callarlas nunca, porque el silencio permitió quizás a esos abusadores que continuaran cometiendo esos delitos y tal vez, con resultados peores a lo vivido por Loli.
Nunca debió ser tan confiada. No se trata de callar para sobre protegerse; si no de entender que el abuso sexual y los atentados al pudor (también tipificados en la ley) ocurren; a veces, con quien menos pensamos y donde menos creemos. #NoAlAbusoSexual
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Después de todo esto que le toco vivir a los 17 años, Loli se casó, le fueron infiel (hasta el punto que una "amiga" quedara embarazada del que era su esposo) dijo hasta aquí, no más abusos,ni violencia!!.
Paso por duros momentos, 3 años más o menos que duró el despecho, hasta que sano. Ha salido de una y otra relación donde existía violencia, y sentía que la vida no podía ser eso y que ninguna mujer se merecía sufrir tanto por nada, ni por nadie.
Se dio cuenta y reaccionó a tiempo, decidió no permitir más miedo ni sufrimiento; pensó en las heridas que aún no se había perdonado, desencadenando su baja autoestima, y decidió convencida (hasta aquí aguanto porque esto no me hace feliz).
Logró de algún modo salir de esas situaciones tóxicas; con coraje, sabiendo que se merecía lo mejor, con sus virtudes y defectos, y sobre todo sin prestar atención a lo que pensaran y dijeran los demás. Aprendió a relacionarse mejor y perdonar lo que callo por tanto tiempo. Era su vida, no la de ellos.
Author's quote | Cita de la Autora
Forgiving is beneficial, it heals emotional wounds, it is synonymous with compassion, it is another way of writing love, it is like freeing a prisoner and discovering that the prisoner was you.
Perdonar es beneficioso, sana las heridas emocionales, es sinónimo de compasión, es otra forma de escribir amar, es como liberar a un prisionero y descubrir que el prisionero eras tú.
Good vibes to all Hivers around the world.Thank you all for reading this far.
Buenas vibras para todos Hivers del mundo. Gracias por leer hasta aquí
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