I love this piece and this reminded me of the book that I just finished reading recently when I was away [Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved] by Kate Bowler pdf copy available here

I am in the same situation as you are if I find anything complicated and troubling I tend to stop everything and be at a loss for moments until I can muster up the courage to do so or to move.

Be at rage if you must - process all of those emotions as these will be your weapons in the future once you mature. Write, bleed those words and scream on those papers!