Have you ever wondered why it's so hard to change yourself? You know, like getting rid of addictions (smoking, porn, alcohol, etc.) and bad habits (stealing, gossiping, chronic anger, etc.) If you've "tried everything" and nothing worked then you haven't tried the most powerful in the world, the universe and all of creation.
It's Hard to Change Ourselves 💔
I've always said this, "We can only change ourselves, not other people." It's hard to change our incorrect and damaging behavior on our own so we shouldn't expect other people to change easily too. This of course is where life gets frustrating. 😆
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Being able to accept others the way they are is not easy, accepting uncontrollable situations is even harder. Accepting our flaws is the first step towards changing for the better. Only when you know what you need to change can you start getting rid of it. And the best way to find out is by doing a thorough examination of conscience (plenty of this online) before availing of the Sacrament of Confession.
The Journey to Change Oneself 🏃
In my ignorance, I thought I could change myself through my own efforts alone. Even for young adults this already becomes a lifelong journey to be better. Over time, several years of our wrong behavior turns into ingrained habits. This is what makes them so difficult to replace or remove.
For sure many of us have traits that other people hate. For example:
- When we're lazy, things pile up until we get frustrated and can't do anything about it anymore.
- Some people lie and steal because they don't think it will have a bad effect on anyone.
- Think of all the men and women who complain about relationship issues EVERYDAY. Whether single or married, people keep cheating on their partners, etc.
- Government officials keep stealing from the country's budget making themselves rich instead of improving the nation.
- In the news you hear about all the crimes people commit and yet the culprits don't change themselves unless they are jailed or whatever. (That excludes repeat offenders.)
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😬 Major Behavioral Change Happens Involuntarily
Any physically, emotionally and mentally challenging event or traumatic experience can be life-changing. We cannot do any major personal behavioral alteration unless something overwhelming happens to us. Without this, it will take such a great effort and a lifetime to change.
Let's focus on the negative side of this. As we all know, most people look more at the bad things more than positive events. Examples of traumatic life-changing events:
- loss due to natural calamities (fire, earthquake, tsunami/storm/floods, etc.)
- parents separating (or divorce in most countries)
- first heartbreak or any major failure in life
- learning of or having a terrible disease
- being a victim of violent crime or abuse
- death of a loved one (best friend, family member, etc.) or someone close to you (batchmate, office colleague, etc.)
I've experienced some in the list and can definitely say I had a psychological change afterwards. Now of course who would want to deliberately have such negative life experiences just to be able to change oneself? It gives people emotional and mental damage that can last until we get over it.
Most of these actually cause post-traumatic stress disorder instead. That's not good at all. It's contrary to our human nature! Even suicide is unnatural for us. So how else can we change for the better?
Can you think of any solution? What have you come up with?
🥴 What I've Done to Change
Frankly I didn't do much. 😂 After college I've read all about the ways to change: hypnosis, positive affirmation, meditation, CBT/EFT, self help books, etc., but none of them really worked for me. Sure I thought of changing myself to become rich and successful too but that didn't come to fruition. 😆
In 2017 I even did a meditation to get rid of extreme stress due to having two jobs but it still felt like something was missing. Then in the past few years my personality got worse. I went from lukewarm to cold in the faith. For more than a decade I tried and did everything I could to change my mindset so I can get rich quick or be successful in my career but nada. I've failed in that regard. This year I finally realized why I could not change to a truly good person no matter how hard I tried.
True and Lasting Change Comes From God! ✝️
Sounds cliché I know but it's the truth. Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. Any other way will only mislead us. I've been on them too and none led me to where I should go.
No it doesn't mean we don't need to do anything. We still need to make an effort to stop sinning! Frequent confession, going to mass and taking communion helps a lot in being in a state of grace. Praying the rosary daily helps fight temptations and our evil inclinations. Without God we are nothing.
No it also doesn't mean God will change our minds and hearts so we can be rich and famous. 😂 Wealth is just a side effect of following His commandments, etc. (Matthew 6:33)
Making every human successful in life is not why Jesus died for us. God's goal for humanity is bigger than that. Jesus Christ was born, suffered and got resurrected to save us from eternal death and original sin. (John 3:16) His main goal is for all of us to be with Him again in Heaven. Meaning we must become holy and pure (sanctified). (Revelation 21:27)
How can we be changed by God if we don't even communicate with Him regularly? Do you have any idea how He can turn us into the best person we can be?
From left to right: Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit and God the Father | photo source
👍 The short answer
The grace of God is the only thing that can truly change us. The best way to be sanctified is when we ask and let Him mold us. If we accept the Holy Trinity as our Creator, Savior and Guide what can stop us from entering Heaven?
If you're wondering how to get rid of certain sins and addictions or bad habits, call on Jesus and pray to Mama Mary too. From them you can ask an abundance of grace in order to be changed and sanctified.
To be like Jesus, Mama Mary and the saints is the best goal we humans should strive to achieve. Sanctification is the key! (Romans 12:1; 1 Thess. 4:3; 2 Cor. 7:1)
👉 The long answer
Most people turn to God as a last resort, some call out to Him and then turn to occult, horoscope, folk belief, etc. Is any of that better? No, that is how demons entrap us. We must only turn to God first, always and forever (1st Commandment).
Our God is overflowing with love and mercy (e.g. sends Jesus to be humanity's Savior), He is also jealous (topic for another day) and just. If people reject Him and His laws then there will be nothing left but His hand of justice at any moment of our lives.
Those who have accepted Jesus are all in varying degrees. We still have our own doubts and differing beliefs despite worshipping and believing in Him. Nobody's perfect and so we need God in our lives. Only He can perfect us through the grace He provides.
Now of course I am not an expert on grace but I did read on it few months ago. (Made a post about it here: 3 Things Most People Never Ask From God) I only had an idea of what it is but not what it can really do back then. So when I received lots of it on Divine Mercy Sunday, wow I was completely blown away when I realized it. Thank you Lord!
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I don't know how much was given to me but it was a lot, enough to even cause me to be changed in an instant! Like I was absolutely wondering why I started acting differently than I usually do. 😱
How astonishing to suddenly be a nice person to someone who's bad-mannered and selfish. How could I just look at an unfair situation happening to me and not feel any anger at all? 🤔 You can read my unexpected Divine Mercy Sunday testimony in detail here. Even now a small part of me still cannot believe it happened. God is so powerful. Glory to Christ Jesus! 🙏
And so I no longer wonder how someone like Saul (who oppressed the apostles, disciples and followers of Christ) can suddenly become St. Paul the evangelizer to Gentiles! It can really happen! God can change us in an instant or gradually depending on our personality and His plan for us.
Now do you know the "secret" on how to be a great person? Do you know now how we can all live in a happy and non-miserable society? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!
XOXO,
