Do you have that one person in your life, maybe a member of a group you're in or family relatives or colleague that just has a gift for pushing buttons you didn't even know you had? They can take you from zero to a hundred real quick with your rage.
Yeah, me too. I won't say who it is for confidentiality sake but it's definitely in the colleague category. It's not just that particular person, I'm starting to think I was actually quick tempered at the time.
If I got dissed by someone, I'd be bothered by it for hours and reliving the exchange in my head like it was some kind of game I had to win.
But the older I became, the more I realized going bananas every time someone displays their bad apple behavior isn't merely going to drain your emotional and mental energy, but it's also an open invitation for that person to take over me and now thanks to maturity, I've told myself I'm no longer issuing tickets to those people.
Human beings are going to be human beings and you can try but you can't guarantee you'll succeed in controlling their behavior.
There are good sweet people in this world and there are rude bitter ones. You just have to accept it, that's just how the world works. Trying to change them is an impossible task, unless they decide to do it themselves, you're going to be wasting your own time and energy.
So someone being rude or I would say being a bad apple should not be your issue. What's your issue is do you allow their bitterness leak into your peace of mind?
Self control, I've discovered, has nothing to do with pretending, but has everything to do with noticing a conversation is going to explode and not being the one to add gasoline to it but actually walking away with no fucks left behind.
Because I have to tell you that nine times out of ten, the bad apple in your group just desperately wants your reaction and when you don't give it to them, they ferment on their own.
Some people have negative remarks about the culture of not giving a fuck. There's a thin line between being ridiculously rude and having respect for yourself to create boundaries that no one should cross.
You should not let the other person dictate the thermostat of your temper otherwise you're basically a puppet to them.
One mentality that helps me in dealing with such people is that I have at the back of my mind that when they choose to be bad apples, it's their problem not mine. When I remind myself of that, the urge to respond usually dies. So rather than going back and forth, I find a smart way to end the conversation.
It's much better to put out a flame before it burns the entire bush than to say, fire for fire.
It won't come easy though, it's a process. I'll admit some days my patience is thinner than the Wi-Fi in my basement and since I'm human I'll let off a little steam but for most days I keep self control as top priority in terms of personality traits. Each time I choose to be calm than to go crazy, I actually feel very empowered, it's a great feeling and that's what I see as my reward for such level of discipline.
If someone has decided to play the villain role in your soap opera, you don't have to become part of that soap opera at all. Walk away from the argument as quickly as you can and try not to let it get to you because that's usually their objective anyways.
If they spot that you're bothered by what they're doing, you're literally giving them the fuel to keep messing with you. But when it doesn't bother you again, they tend to feel stupid for continuing.
The best revenge for certain verbal attacks is no revenge at all.