Yes, that's right. I dragged my half corroded body over to the PC to write my dumb ass thoughts on a video game once again. You know, instead of just chilling and taking it easy after covid. Why you might ask? Well, I do enjoy hoarding digital tokens more than I do Pokemon cards or Pop Vinyl's like some sort of deranged man-boy. You know, a boy with the powers of a man. Anyways, lets get on topic. I'm going to be talking about a pretty fun remake/remaster that was recently released called Destroy All Humans. I personally enjoyed the original game back in the early 2000's, it was just nothing but anal probing, blowing people up and massive tits and gore just flying around. Just the perfect fun goofy game. So, I might be a bit nostalgic here with my take on this remaster. However, I have to say, I really enjoyed this remaster overall.
So, what are the big differences between this and the original game? The main big change is the visuals of the game by far. I personally really enjoy the upgrade, everything looks very modern and smooth within the world itself. The characters have a very charming awkwardness about them that fits perfect for the tone/vibe of this game. Everyone looks like an oiled up fleshlight that's been given life, like a greasy blow up sex doll. The game definitely has a very colorful and cartoonish look for sure, but I personally at least enjoy that and don't mind it at all. Maybe some of you would prefer a dark brown/yellow gritty michael bay look while a man gets anally probed, but that's personal taste.
I'm sure one thing people would question is if this is just a cash grab nostalgia boner type of game. I can definitely assure you that it is not, however. If you've never played Destroy All Humans before, you can definitely still enjoy pretty much everything about this game compared to today's game standards. One thing I was wondering when I booted it up is if the jokes and writing would hold up and still be fun. I was surprised to find out they actually do hold up pretty damn well. The general gist of the narrative is simple but fun. You're an alien coming to earth during the 1950's to extract hidden DNA from humans while also dishing out some vengeance for a fallen comrade. Kind of like reverse Duke Nukem, but you're still chewing some fat asshole and kicking the fuck out of bubblegum. You also happen to witness some of the dumbest fucking people in the world, which is great. It mirrors all the idiots on Facebook that you see all the time, and even some of the Karens attacking the manager at your nearest Walmart. You know, like that old saying "Karen...Karen never changes."
The writing of the game itself and the jokes is ageless it seems. with most jokes still hitting for the most part and the writing at least putting a mild smile on your face. While not being the absolute best, there's just tons of goofy and entertaining jabs littered thoughout. So, perhaps you'll even have a goofy grin, if you're a real man. Anytime there is dialogue going on, even if it's just background NPC dialogue, is always fun. Crypto being a giant asshole of a protagonist to the humans with his buddy Pox giving an overview of things is just amusing, and the writing holds up well. I wouldn't say expect some George R.R. Martin levels of quality or anything, but it's solid enough.
The real backbone of this game though is the gameplay. The world itself is pretty compact and contained, but it's jam packed full of stuff in that small little space. So, while you won't be spending 2 hours walking around on the map or anything, there's plenty of things to see during each mission of the game. The combat is probably the most fun part of the game. There's not an insane amount of weaponry for you to use while you play, but what you do get is so ridiculous that you won't even mind. Things like telekinesis where you'll be throwing shit all over the place, an electric gun that's straight outta star wars force powers, and of course the classic anal probing device, plus a few others. Beyond the combat sections of the game, there's also quite a bit of stealth oriented parts where you get to use another ability called Holo-Bob, where you disguise yourself as one of the citizens in the local area.
I guess for the negative sides of the game there's not much I can really bring up. I will say there's not really more than just the one way to play the game, so you can't really customize yourself to any certain style of gameplay. There's also nothing really profound about the game either, so you shouldn't go in expecting anything like that. Some of the missions do get to be pretty repetitive, which can get a bit grating on you sometimes. The main aspects of the objectives are wave defending, cause chaos or basically be a dwarf assassin. And, those will be repeated pretty often. So, there's not a lot of variety to the missions. However, I don't really think there needs to be. The game aims to be a short, wacky experience that entertains you and it delivers that. You get to feel like alien Batman, if Batman liked to blow shit up. Overall, it's a fun game and delivers on what it advertises. I'd definitely recommend it for old and new fans alike.
I know this review was a lot shorter than my previous ones, but suck it. Suck it dry. but there's not too much else to say about the game. Hopefully you guys don't mind, as I actually prefer my reviews to be on the more short and sweet side than being a 3500 word essay on how Grand Theft Auto 5 made my ass moist. I might try to stick with this shorter format in the future, but we'll see. I guess if I feel like being a gabby cunt about a specific game I'll just let it happen. But, anyways. Hope you enjoyed the review. I'll probably be inactive for most of the rest of the week, because I have a fuck ton of doctors appointments and tests coming up. So, hooray for that.
Until next time, dood's.
Later!
