Grief stricken Garden - all lies dead in mourning

Grief.

There is just no other way to describe it.

We have had a tough year this year. Three human deaths and the loss of a pet, one after the other.

Everyone in the house is going for therapy or counselling in some form or another. Everyone is struggling one way or the other with all the things that they need to do and I think, being a parent, I have learned to compartmentalize things for the sake of my own sanity and so that I can keep on being a father and an income bringer and care-taker.

Otherwise I would be laid low by my grief.
Existential dread also lurks on the corners of my mind and I need to push these things away.

In all this time, my little garden has suffered. Especially the veggie garden. Without me to tend it, it is overgrown with weeds and some plants have died or grown old in their natural cycle and allowed to die. I had no time for it. I had no mind for it.

Luckily in Cape Town there is a lot of rain during the winter (we are Southern Hemisphere so winter while it is the Summer in the north). We have another month to go till Spring. There will be rain on and off still for the next 2 months and more.

Why the garden? Why was it neglected?

Because it was avoided.

Even when you disregard the rainy days and give me the opportunity to go do work in the sunshine… it was being avoided.

This is because of Chai. Our dearest tabby cat was buried in the garden after he was hit by a bus.

The poor cat was such a lovely boy. He was kind and loving and everyone would be able to pick him up and love him. He would eat anything and his antics gave us a lot of laughs.

His final resting place is in the dirt block where nearly nothing grows.

So I have been avoiding going out there, avoiding the pain. I guess it was sort of symbolic of me hiding from the pain. I give myself time to feel it in little bits.

So I need to pick myself up… physically and symbolically. A very real manifestation of healing will come from getting my act together and getting the garden back into shape.

So I need to look at what I DO have and what is positive rather than the negative. So what do I have?

The Structure of the garden with its paths and garden beds are still there.
The Rosemary plant is still alive and going.
There are still bits of Mint plants growing here and there.
The Parsley plants are also still alive.
The Compost heap has plenty of goodies.
I now have Nasturtiums!
I still have Marigolds popping up everywhere.
I still have a lot of seeds.
I have a lot of building material to do whatever I want for the garden.
The purslane will likely return in the summer!
So my first job will be thus:
Dig out all the weeds that are in the garden beds.
Remove or prune out plants growing on the paths.
Once I have done this then we will see what the garden looks like with fresh eyes and start planning what to do!