Hi, I am Arveno and i am from Surabaya city Indonesia. I want to make content about my concern. That is Depression. I never tell and share this before to all my social media. But, i think i will write in web3 since my circle one is not in this platform. So, at least i can speak freely in here.
I literally have this Depression. And i think everyone have one at least. Thats will be weird if people dont have depression on life. And yeah, sometimes i have big problem dealing with this depression. From the start this depression is like cancer. Small at first. i can handle it at first. But, after some time. My mental is drained and yeah the depression is going big.
My depression is not only just from work. But, mostly yeah because of financial problem. Maybe almost half of my problem solved when i have ton of money. From this finance problem the depression starting to leaking to many aspect. And right now i am starting to questioning my life. Am i a good father or husband or son for my parents. I always thought that my life was burden to my circle. Sometimes i think it is better if i was missing for eternity. Especially after i marriage and having a son. This depression is twice or thrice bigger than when i was single. From relationship with my wife that not going well till right now, i am now having problem with communicating. I can be a really good talker with some people or stranger since i am ambivert. I can using my mask to be happy for other people. And yet inside my brain. It is always battle that never ended. Not a few times I thought about ending my life. Sometimes the whisper for ending my life is louder and louder. But, what makes me stop to ending my life is just because i am like HULK that always angry. Yeah, i am easily enraged. And if i get underestimated by other people my enrage took my subconscious and starting plan to revenge. When i was young my revenge always do bad thinks. Right now my revenge is to prove it that they are wrong and make it public. So, they will shame on public.
Basically i said the truth that my life is not rainbow and sunshine. My life is disaster. My relathionship is disaster too. I dont know if i can make it or not. What i do for now is just hanging on. And if my mental is broken and i cannot hold it anymore. Maybe i will ending my relationship with my wife. Because back again, i dont know the problem is from outside or inside. And i dont know too where i start to fix it or where to start to solve the problem for my depression. And like i told in the past content about addiction. My stress release right now is Working out. Somehow i can manage a little bit of my depression with workout. At least, this workout giving me additional strength to handle the depression. Or maybe at least if i surrendering my life, i am still died in great shape. Not in bad and ugly shape looking. Many people said that i need to do counseling to Psikolog or Psikiatric. But, it is so expensive. Almost 50$/session. It is not make me less depression, it will adding my depression more since my depression started by financial problem.
But, here the deal. I have some mojo for this depression right now. I dont know this can work for you or not. Usually i will make my imaginary friend in my head. And my imaginary friend is having character that i fans of. For example i am really fan with Tony Stark Character. So, my imaginary friend will talk, will having some problem solving like Tony Stark Character. And from that sometimes, i dont know why my mind started believe wha the suggestion and starting taking decision that make my life better again. And it repeat everday. I know it is hard. But, yeah bare with me. Dont ever surrender and ended your life. It will be useless. Better make your life happier, better, and stronger to make your enemy or bully cannot do anything at all. And please if you really depressed, use web3 to sharing what your thinking and write it down. It will make your depression more calm.