It looked so virginal and safe, as if butter wouldn't melt in it's mouth...
The wife smiling through the fear, or perhaps laughing at the faux pre-raphaelite decor!
Only one seat in the front of this compared to the normal two. No one wants to sit in the front however as it becomes your duty to hand the driver his Krathom leaves and open the Birdy!
The wife again, this time typing out her last will and testament on her phone before we set-off. Notice we had prepared by bringing some bottled water to be able to put ourselves out!
I'm not risk averse. Far from it. I'm the idiot who rides a motorcycle without a helmet but when it comes to 'vans', I try wherever possible to avoid them.
These Toyota mini-buses that we call 'vans' here in Thailand are ubiquitous and an integral part of the transport system, filling the void of medium distances between local buses (although local routes do overlap) and medium distances. They are cheap, frequent and plentiful. They are also deathtraps!
Thailand usually comes bottom of the pile when it comes to road death statistics. The very bottom, year in and year out and whilst many deaths can be attributed to pissed motorcycle riders, a huge number of deaths annually are due to these vans.
Of course, it's not the vans fault, that's just an inanimate object, its down to the drivers who can often be seen manically chewing on Kratom as they drive with their foot planted firmly to the floor and a phone firmly planted to their ear with the spare hand knocking back endless cans of cold expresso with a Red Bull chaser. Combine this with the fact that all Thai drivers are impatient, aggressive and absolutely clueless behind the wheel and the deaths per vehicle is second to none.
They seat 17 people with scant space left over for luggage and during rush hour on local routes, I've seen people stood in them, albeit crouched due to the lack of headroom even for a tidgy Thai! They are also incredibly uncomfortable and pity the person who ends up sitting next to the sweaty, smelly foreigner!
The smaller accidents get no coverage in the press here, but every now and then, a full van will crash and burst into flames killing everyone on board and that does make the news, swiftly followed by government 'promises' to limit the passenger capacity, or a few years ago stating that they would no longer be used and be replaced by proper mini-buses. This happened on a few nationalised local Bangkok routes but it after the private operators put pressure on, the government caved and life went on. There were some improvements. Speed limiters are supposed to be fitted limiting the top speed to 80km/h like on the regular inter provincial buses but on the odd time I've been forced to use a van, it was travelling way over that limit. Going back a year or two, these things would regularly be running at 120kmh+ if I was unlucky enough to have to get one whilst doing a border run! The other 'improvement' was the introduction of seat belts for the passengers, which no one wears, I mean, you don't want another barrier to you getting out as you burn to death. Anyway...
...due to there being so few tourists right now, after returning from Samui, the bus from the pier to the airport had been replaced by a van. This however was a 'VIP' first class van with just the 12 seats! It was a bit of a shock when I opened the door. it looked like a cross between a customised 1970s 'yank tank' and a porn movie set, and upon noticing all the speakers and amps, the wife beat me to telling the driver that we didn't want a banging, horrendous Thai soundtrack to accompany our undoubted demise, at least though, we would be going out in comfort! The seats were super comfy, there was loads of room and with only us onboard, we didn't have to pay for a seat for the luggage.
We had mirrors in the ceiling, LED lighting, curtains and laminate floors. This was 'Pimp my Ride' Thai style. In all seriousness, the quality of workmanship on the custom build was extraordinary and there wasn't a squeak or creak as we hammered down 'A' roads to our doom. There was also no screen between passenger and driver which has become commonplace since Covid and I was most happy about that. Perched in the middle behind the driver, it was going to be easy to start bollocking him and telling him to slow down, but it wasn't necessary. He drove pretty well and at a safe(ish) speed and only once did he cross a double white line to overtake on a blind corner. Progress!
