Dearest Hive Friends and folks passionate about Life As Gift,
We are approaching the date of departure, and there is SUCH merry chaos all around the house, as I try to intuit what will be most needed in the next months, in Portugal – or wherever else we arrive at.
I spent 15 years in this town, and 14 of them in this big sprawling set of rooms at the heart of the medieval quarter. It has been every kind of experience here, from dark night of the soul to the euphoria of finding and melding lives with my twinflame.
If Vincent hadn’t come to get me, I might – literally – never have been able to leave: I can feel it now; the strong tendrils that hold me in the place: familiar discomfort, quirky relationships and memories, the collective fabric which holds one tight and safe (and stagnant and small).
The dynamism of moving, after a decade and a half in one place, is immense. It has been a long time coming – almost as soon as I moved here and bought a home for the first time, I had a pull to leave… Every relationship, some with neighbours, some with partners, had me yearning to run away. Many paperwork situations led me to want to head for the hills. And I even had a couple of ‘dry runs’, where I went on a big Walkabout (or Driveabout) by myself in the middle of the night up around the mountains…
The few trips and extended stays away from Guardia Sanframondi and my beloved Arthouse were strange and sad in a way, but the momentum behind this move is unstoppable: the rightness of every step of packing up is profound. I just feel ready. Overly ready in many ways, but ready. Each container is coming together nicely, and I have a beautiful sense of condensing my LifeWorkLove into a more concentrated form, so that it can be moved to a more appropriate context.
It is such a most potent blessing/ blissing, to also not be doing this by myself: I had committed to selling my home and moving into the mountains – or into a wilder part of the world, perhaps even out of Europe (El Salvador, for example!) - but having my soulmate here to escort me Home is a whole other level of ease and happiness. Company, comfort, love, heart, hearth. The Art Of Life.
The past few weeks, as we have revelled and relaxed into our mutual mystical Love, and our new Life together as One, there have been moments of challenge in having to face ‘other people’. It has been the most intensive of immersions to walk up to the shop, or the bar, or meet with a friend for a goodbye pizza, and each outside trip takes a significant amount of ‘release’ time, as we go over how it felt; the weirdness of conventional interactions, and how folks attempt to pull us into unhealthy dynamics. The wild ways in which our Love seems to activate intense responsive behaviour, from glowering by overly-religious types, to semi-violent back-slapping and “You hound dog!!” exclamations from Americans.
Pulling myself out of 15 years of fabric-of-the-community requires a wholistic effort and concentration of focus: each small interaction is like a workshop in itself – a kind of Family Constellation catharsis, with the correcting of power dynamics/ energetic exchange. I gave such a lot of myself to this town, and had it all taken freely, but only partly reciprocated. Over the years, this has left me with a great dearth of resources: spiritual, financial, relationship enrichment, and health-wise I my Being has been slowly atrophied, like a war of attrition.
I made the commitment to Guardia Sanframondi quite consciously though: aligned with the signs, following inner and higher guidance, letting go of ego or grasping; I laid myself down in many ways, whilst being here – giving way to the culture and to the people; deferring and delegating where I could, but eventually taking onboard a karmic workload that was not ultimately for my own betterment.
It is a big realisation, to fully acknowledge that one has chosen the subtle relationships that make up an unhealthy one: the rapport I’ve unfolded in Guardia is inseparable from the complex interweaving of worlds via ‘paperwork’ (e.g. identity as ‘citizen’ or ‘public persona’). The local fabric of interconnectedness, expectation, ‘obligation’ is the microcosm of the greater macrocosmic dreamspell of ‘nationality’ and ‘residency’, etc, and I’ve been unlocking the occulted secrets of that for decades – Guardia was the best playing field for recognising what is out of place in contemporary 'reality', and correcting it permanently.
So this leaving is the most potent of opportunities to draw a line under almost everything: to release the last shadows of the dreamspell, and to step with my Man out into the wide new horizon. I am free, sovereign and ready for creating a new world; one in which I am neither coerced nor diminished, neither expected of nor projected onto, and where my creativity is augmented exponentially by the sacred vessel of my partnership. I have little idea of where I am going, but know in every cell of my Being that it is more Home than this house I bought and this town that I was participating in for this time could ever be.
I don’t have a route planned even to the ferry port, for where we have to be on Monday evening. Nor for the journey from Spain to Portugal… and I’m the one who will be driving all the way. But I know that the road will rise up to meet our feet, and that we simply have to follow the sun and the signs. The joy and the lightness, the deep pleasure and the letting go, of simply being in the day, letting it unfold, and being held by One Who Knows, as I do – is extremely and consistently moving. So our movement is a continuation of that: by our Nature, we have to move, to create and cocreate anew, to have a fresh reality to play with, dance in, celebrate.
And I love that so many folks who believe in Love, in Peace and in a better world, rise up with us and wish us well as we go. The time for dragging each other down is over, and those who try to keep me here, or make snidey comments, or sideways glance in a non-enthusiastic way – are left here to wallow in that. It is no longer anything to do with me, where before I’d have been occupied with it a little here and there, and digesting and metabolising it throughout the day. No more interferences; just Love and creative unpacking, making love and creatively expanding into Life. Procreating and co-creating infinitely. Heheheh: let’s see what happens!
With love, merit-gained radiating out to all beings, and peace intended for the hearts of all humans and humanoids.
NOTE:
HOUSE FOR SALE: My magical Arthouse is for sale – for Bitcoin or fiat currency – check out my post about it, here.
