I'm not looking forward to summer. The spot in these photos is a winter break. I'm pretty comfortable here. I like cool weather and that it's less crowded in winter.
I used love going to the wedge in Newport Beach for the summer surf. It's a really dramatic place with great waves on summer south swells.
Now I just don't like spending two or three hours driving and $20. or more on gas to get there. The truth is I just don't want to be around the people on the beach there. One of whom is a former close friend. I don't like being interrogated about politics and social issues. I especially don't like being told that everything I believe is the opposite of reality. That place is not safe for me in a sense. Social media including this place here isn't safe either. I have no interest in debating and arguing online. I probably am going too far even posting this. I have no way to really express my disappointment, loneliness, isolation. Having no friends to do anything with or talk to is really hard. I was a painter. I should never have bought a camera. it has been great for me in some ways. I have taken shots I think are incredible. No one really gives a shit about that. Except me. It's not worth it though. I would have been much better off sticking to painting. Now I have no place to paint and no brushes or supplies. No money to start over. This is why I don't blog. I have nothing to say and never wanted to write about my daily life anyway. No one really believes an image or painting is worth a thousand words. I'm probably on sort of autistic spectrum. I don't know for sure. Competition and hustling makes me sick. I want to engage with people... sometimes. The whole thing is just for the boldest and bravest and no place for the rest. Well as usual I tried to write and just went down the rabbit hole and really got nowhere. I hate spending half an hour to try and write something I could have said in 60 seconds. I miss the old days when I had friends and conversations with people.
