Yesterday I made a public post about my past; today I have no aunt.
This is the aunt that I lost for choosing to speak about my lived experiences publicly. I'm still very upset with the words she chose to say, but I have devoted my life to God and will continue to speak about my truth -- that God saves ✝️💛
A few days ago, I was tending to our cat when I received a thought out of nowhere:
"What if you're being used by your aunt?"
When thoughts such as this one tend to arise out of nowhere, I believe that they are not thoughts of my own. I believe they are spiritual, and they can come from either angels OR demons...
Of course, having such a thought as "your aunt is using you" is quite a shocking one, so I did my best not to attribute any spirit to it.
Well, last night I made a post, speaking about my past -- something that I have a lot of difficulty doing because I am still ashamed of it, which this aunt knows -- and I gave thanks to God for always watching over me.
Not but an hour later, I received a message from my aunt -- the one that I had received a warning about. She was upset about my post, for one very big reason: I had not specified WHICH grandfather had abused me... Thereby leaving room for speculation, and essentially dishonoring the family name (I didn't even know that this was still a thing lol).
I told my aunt that it was a silly thing to be offended by, especially considering that we both know the TRUTH. But, she was very hung up on her pride and preserving the name -- to the point where she told me to use my husband's name because I guess I'm no longer a "respectable" family member lol...
In all honesty, my aunt said some very hurtful things...
"Use your husband's name," implying that I disgrace my family's.
"Find a job," as if my full-time career of being a mother to two young children (and please God, many more) is not purpose -- we just finished teaching our 4-year-old how to write all of her letters.
"Quick fix," as if a family does not make life fulfilling.
"Zero sympathy," coming from someone who became drunk at Christmas family dinner, alienating my nana from half of her family...
What hurts the most is not but a few months ago, I told my aunt that I needed to talk about my life experiences -- it was as if God was demanding it of me -- but I was scared to do it. I struggled so much with speaking about my past, posting and deleting, anxious because I knew that if I started talking about it, God's will would be put into action. And I knew that once it was, big changes would start happening.
I never could have imagined it would start with losing my most "devout" aunt.
Yet, I fall to my knees and GIVE PRAISE TO GOD! 🙏 God GAVE ME WARNING in advance! He made me aware of my aunt's true intentions so that last night did not hurt nearly as much as it would have (because boy, did she sure try!...).
I feel terrible because I had been sad with God when I first received His thought; I told Him, "God, You always give me these thoughts, so that I'm left to painfully dwell on them for hours. I don't want to have such thoughts about my aunt -- I can't afford to." My dad even tried coming to her defense twice when I told him about my thoughts.
