In January 2020, I began my blogging journey on a different blockchain platform. I am not referring to Hive since I only joined here almost a year ago. At that time, I was in eleventh grade and must admit that I did not take my studies seriously. I often procrastinated and gave priority to interacting with other people. I habitually only completed my modules when the submission deadline was near. Unfortunately, my willpower level had dropped, and I almost failed to secure my "With Honors" title.
Out of nowhere, I decided to read "Atomic Habits" by James Clear. Reading it helped me manage my time better and get good grades, and it was also the topic where I often received the most votes. To make a long story short, I overcame my habit of procrastinating in studying and successfully grew my account. Despite achieving good academic results, as I look back, I often wish that I hadn't taken my senior high school year so seriously.
I remember being studious when I started my last year as a senior high school student. Not in a way that I always made an effort, like putting in calligraphy or answering questions honestly, but I constantly felt dedicated. My only setback then was that it would be my strength if I could get into my dream course and university. They said my dream course needed total dedication, so I'm trying to make it a habit. But even if we are free to use Google every time we answer our learning activity sheets, it doesn't make sense if you are lazy and not trying to learn.
In preparation for my college journey, I took three to four times until the only university I applied to accepted their needed requirements. The school I'm referring to is Central Luzon State University, and it was only three kilometers away from us. It was also the second university in our country known for its strict standards. And during those times, I always get stressed with my lazy groupmates. I can't count how many times I've ranted on my microblog account. I only endured those moments since I thought I wouldn't meet them after we finished that activity.
But then, at 4:30 PM almost a year ago, the official page of CLSU finally released the result. I took all the provided details and felt a bit discouraged. They said in the letter, "Thank You," which I thought good news, but in the end, it stated that I just needed to try my luck again. Of course, it took me many minutes to absorb that news. I thought my endeavor would be reaped off that year, but it didn't reflect my expectation. I am more confused about why those lazy groupmates I interacted with successfully entered while I couldn't even get to the waiting list.
It was the only university I was admitted to, and it was good that my parents weren't disappointed. Maybe they knew that I did my overall best, but that best was not enough. I remember that I wrote an article about it while falling into tears. Sometimes, I thought that if I continued being lazy, would I not get hurt? I can't help to think that my life is such a failure. What makes me more afraid is, "What if I won't get to studies again?" It almost creates my suicidal thoughts, but I still run my life.
Therefore, if I get the chance to get back to high school (particularly senior high school), I think about not being focused on my studies. I will enjoy my life what my cousin did. I will not seek academic validation or give a damn even if I didn't submit before the deadline, and I won't care if I only get average grades. Instead of doing them, I would write and write until I accumulated a lot of BCH. That's why when my mom gave me my grades and asked why I was unhappy (I got a 94 average), the simple answer was nonsense. I don't find any value in my efforts.
Until now, I'm still wondering why they didn't even give me hope about the waiting list. I didn't even touch that spot. I did well in my previous academic years, and why did some of my lazy classmates get passed? Life was so unfair. That's why I still have anger about their shit standards, and I only used them as a motivation for what I am today. I still find it a part of finding a new opportunity since I'm now happy because I finally found my zone. I'm happier, and I found my worth more. I'm grateful to my uncle since he was my current academic sponsor.
I am still studying hard to secure a scholarship from our municipality. I have applied for various scholarships as I want to value my dedication. My grades are performing well, and the only thing I need to do is to meet the scholarship requirement. I also plan to join a school organization to qualify for the PHINMA Scholarship. Despite meeting their required grades, my lack of participation in school organizations has hindered getting my qualifications. Being their scholar means free tuition and a monthly allowance of Php. 2,000. Therefore, I hope I can get it next year🤞.
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