For some time now I've been contemplating whether to write on "Open relationship" or not. As if my thoughts were loud, recent events pointed at me writing it, and today I listen to the voice asking me to write and pour out my thoughts. This will also act as a prelude for the next article I plan to write, it will be a movie review like the one @Tomi_Ajax did some days back, so here goes nothing...
African Men are polygamous?
It's believed that men are polygamous by nature and among men African men are at the top of the pyramid. Not until the introduction of the Western way of living did Nigerian men slow down in the number of women they marry, though today people still marry more than one wife.
The difference between how things were back then and how things are today is that women don't have an option or let me say a voice back then (olden days) unlike now. Men were given the liberty to marry as much as they wish so far they have the resources to take care of them, the women can only ask for what they feel they deserve or take turns to get the husband's attention. Things aren't much different today, some men still marry more than one wife either according to their religious beliefs or just a personal decision, however, some women now leave their husbands because of that or refused to have their husbands bring in another wife. Some women go as far as seeking divorce because of this. I believe to some extent women now have a voice
Men are Polygamous by Nature?
One would think having 3 wives is enough to make a man satisfied but it's common to see men cheat on their wives. A popular newspaper once had a bold headline "90% of Lagos men cheat on their wives". It's like the desire to have a taste of different skirts is inborn in men. It's now viewed as an "inevitable thing", people believe men must cheat and they find it hard to believe a man has just a girlfriend or a wife without "side chicks".
Image from https://unsplash.com/@jannerboy62
Both Party cheats
"Men are scum" they say but every day we hear reports of wives cheating on their husbands and girlfriends cheating on their boyfriends. Having multiple men worshipping one is now a safe option for women.
Both genders will forever argue about which cheats the most, though it all ends with the men losing but the fact remains that both genders cheat.
Should men be allowed to do as they please?
Since "Men will surely cheat" is now a norm and the lady is expected to just overlook it as just one of the little offence or "sacrifice" that comes with a marriage or relationship, should we say "women should be allowed to cheat too?" after all, "what is good for the goose is good gander".
Tell the above to a man and he will disagree. They can't stand the thoughts of their women sleeping with other men, they flare up and promise to release hell on such a woman and even the man she sleeps with. What then is the way out?
Open relationship
This isn’t a question of if I'm cool with it or in an open relationship, but an attempt to share things with the eye of someone in an open relationship.
In an Open relationship or Open marriage, both parties are given the freedom to explore other options while remaining committed to the other.
Each OR or OM differs, both parties set the rules and are expected to keep to them. Relationship A might have a rule or boundary while relationship B doesn’t e.g John and Jane set a rule that they do not mind who the "side chicks" is or what is being done so far it isn’t done at home while Bella and Bryan set a rule that they must seek approval from each other before laying in bed with a "side chick" and must be in a place the other partner is aware of.
As I said they set boundaries that guide them and both parties stay happy and satisfied. They set boundaries like (not all set the under listed rules)
- Use of protection while at it with a side chick
- Set approval each time/ Approval not needed
- Don't invest emotionally
- Boundaries like "Stay clear of friends and family" i.e both parties can't have a relationship with their partner's friend or family
- Keep your activity away from social media
- No matter who you're with make sure your partner is still number 1. Put your partner first
- Don't lay with someone more than twice, anything more than that can lead to issues
- Avoid pregnancy
- Always Voice your concern when you have one
It works for some people and it doesn't work for some. Some people go ahead to break this and it leads to the end of the relationship.
The Danger
Like every other setting/concept, there are risks attached to OR or OM
- Exposure and high risk of contracting STI
- Unwanted pregnancy
- There might be Trust Issues
- Societal shun
- Fatigue and constant fear
Image from https://unsplash.com/@reneporter
You might feel disgusted by the concept of open marriage and open relationships but if you talk to someone in one they will most likely say "Like it or not, Whether you agree to it or not, all humans are in Open relationships either directly or in disguise. It's either one party is cheating or both, hiding it from each other and constantly having a guilty conscience. Why not just avoid the constant guilt and hide and seek by giving each other the freedom to explore other options while still being together?"
Now back to the question you might have in mind, "Are you in one?" The answer is "No" not because I find the idea wrong but because I'm the jealous type and I hate sharing what's mine.
As I said earlier "what is good for the good goose, is good for the gander", since I stated that I hate sharing, I have no right to cheat on my partner and she knows, vice verse.
Whatever anyone decides is left to them, be it Open or not. Choose your poison and choose wisely.
Thanks for Reading! ❤💙🔥
