I have heard people complain about finding it hard to build healthy relationships no matter how they try. The truth I have come to understand is that no matter how you water an unwanted plant, it still doesn't change the fact that it's a weed and should not be there in the first place. The same goes for relationships.
Weeds in this instance is that undefined or unexpected crop growing among the expected crops. Have you ever planted cassava only for you to see an unwanted crop grow alongside? Most times it's either the weed dies because it has no strong root or it competes for space, food and nutrients with other crops. So also is our relationship with people, the undefined ones either die because it has no strong root (definition) and leaves one empty and broken-hearted or it competes for your undivided attention, love and care with no future assurances while choking other relationships.
No matter how much you try to build an undefined relationship, it will still end in a mess because it has no foundation.
Imagine a fine skyscraper without a proper foundation 🤔
I had a heart talk with a close friend recently about the need to always define your circle by clearly defining relationships with people. It was an awesome conversation and very helpful, thus the need to share them with you.
Most times, the major root cause of problems faced in relationships can be traced back to not understanding the reason for such friendship in the first place. I mean, who builds a house without counting its cost?🤷♀️
We are in a time where everyone wants to be friends with anyone without clearly understanding and discussing the place of such friend in one's life and this has led to unnecessary assumptions, misplaced priorities, heartbreaks and unending fights.
Facts have shown that defining relationships increases the chances of building long-lasting relationships.
A popular quote says:
When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable.
I learnt this the hard way at first. I remember having too many undefined relationships with people, hung out a lot and yet still felt empty.
I later discovered that I was doing things the wrong way and reached out to a mentor for solutions.
Let me share my solutions with you.
Happy, right?😃
STEPS TO REDEFINING THAT RELATIONSHIP
Sit back and count the cost:
Most people especially youths, are most times cut up in all the actions, drama and enjoyment that sometimes we forget to catch a breath, relax and analyse what's ahead. Sometimes, we get to the extreme, get too attached which leads to clouded judgements and wrong moves.
It's important to at some point, always count the cost and weigh your options.
Ask yourself questions like "Is this for me?", "What am I missing out?", " what's the future in this?", " What kind of impact do I get from this friend?".
Know your place:
Being with the right friends can help relieve stress, give emotional healing and support. Knowing your role in a persons life is very important because it kills assumptions and expectations especially when emotional feelings are involved.
I once witnessed a situation where a lady practically turned to a housewife doing all his laundry, house chores and even bed services for her close male friend all because she felt that's what he wanted. If I recall her words properly, she called it green light meanwhile the guy was just enjoying himself also thinking the lady just wanted to blow off steam. This didn't end well for both parties, the lady later found out the guy got engaged to someone else. She almost committed suicide.
It's therefore important to assertively communicate with friends and know your place rather than assume things. Don't be scared to ask bothering questions and act mature.
Know that friends worth:
Even before knowing your place, you should first understand the importance of human relationships and place value on them especially when clearly defined.
Human relationship is one major tool required for success and productivity. No man is an island and definitely needs meaningful people with that extra push, resources, connection needed to attain certain heights. So, defining that relationship today will help narrow what value should be placed on that relationship.
Initiate a peaceful dialogue:
Sometimes, all we need to make that relationship stronger and well defined is a peaceful dialogue with that friend. I strongly recommend having a sit-down talk with friends per time to catch up, redefine certain things, trash out pending issues and help one another.
The issue with this is that we sometimes become proud and insensitive, choosing to remain in the dark rather than initiating meaningful conversations.
Wrong mindset:
Most times, the problem might even be a personal mindset issue. I have met people with negative thoughts like friendships can't last, lone wolf syndrome, Casanova mentality and the rest. The truth is that we can only attract what we see and think with our minds.
So the question is, what do you see? Do you see yourself building a healthy relationship or not?
As a man thinks, so He is.
What's Next?
After carefully reading these steps, I know we had that urge to reach out to that buddy and make things right, sit down and count the cost, the urge to define our relationships but fear of the unknown had crept in or we feel we are too deeply involved making changes now.
Well, the good news is that defining that relationship now will pay you in the long run. Just like crops planted, they will bear good fruits.
Remember that:
Defined relationships are like crops planted with harvest seasons.
I hope we learnt a lot, feel free to reach out to me and ask questions where needed. Much love😍
I am 
I hope my blog reaches people far and near praying for an answer on how they can build healthy relationships with people.
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