Open mouth......insert foot. Ever done it before? No? Don't worry, I've got you covered. You don't even have to borrow my brainless blunders or claim them as your own. I've simply done enough of them for you and I combined.
In all honesty, I'm not the type of person to blame my faults on other people. My philosophies are more along the lines of Nurture vs Nature. Still, I can't discount the gene pool and sometimes wonder if I drew a short stick in that regard.
To illustrate why I would think such a thing requires a story about my mom. Now mind you, this all happened a long time ago in a place not so far away. I'll give my best shot at recollecting events as they actually occured.
Waiting For Mom To Come Out Of Vons
All four siblings (myself included) went to a Catholic elementary and middle school. Right across the street from our school was a shopping center. We lived close by so it was common to stop and shop at Vons after my mom picked us up.
I (being the eldest child) was probably in 6th or 7th grade on this certain stop at Vons after that particlular day of school.
I think there were at least three of us waiting in the car that day. Myself and my two sisters. Mom wasn't supposed to take long in the store, though it seemed like she was in there for days.
Finally she came out. I have no memory of what she even went in there for, but I was quick to ask what had taken her so long?
Barney Stole A Pack Of Cigarettes!!
Here's where the story gets good. Mom said she was walking out but had to turn around to go back and talk to the manager.
As she walked out the door, she overheard two guys talking who had also been shopping in the Vons. One guy said to the other, "Why did you steal that pack of cigarettes, Barney?"
Now if you didn't grow up on the coast of California, there wouldn't appear to be anything wrong with my mom's account. But here's the deal.
Barney is a surfer term. It's lingo they use to call someone a dummy. An idiot, so to speak.
Mom Told The Manager A Guy Named Barney Stole A Pack Of Cigarettes!!
I have to say, the laughter that emitted from our car after hearing what my mom had told the manager was no holds barred. Not a single one of us kids could catch a breath to let mom know what was so funny.
Hey Mom! Ever Heard Of The Flintstones? Barney Rubble?
It's no doubt why the surfers chose the term Barney to mean what it meant to them. Barney was constantly coming up with the worst ideas to solve whatever problems the Flintstones were facing.
Either that, or he was the cause of them.
We finally caught our breath, massaged the knots from our stomach muscles, and told mom what was so funny.
She didn't think it was funny.
Falling Off A Fallen Tree Into The River While Fishing
Years later on a family vacation, my mom would have her payback. We were in Colorado and not having much luck fishing a certain spot near the roadside where the river slowly turned.
I headed through the dense forest downstream to see if the river changed any. Perhaps a half mile down I came across a large deep pool with an enormous pine tree that had fallen.
The pine tree was easily wide enough to walk across and it spanned the entire river from one side to other. I let out a cast from the shore first and immediately hooked and landed a nice rainbow trout.
This was an incredible spot holding tons of trout. The immediate bite and depth of the pool told me it was a treasure, so I went to retrieve the rest of the family.
Of course, dad was reluctant because he likes the challenge of inducing a fish to bite. If they aren't biting he tries harder. I look for a new spot. But he ended up following after not having any success and the rest of the family trailed along.
After an amazing hour and a half of fishing, I was walking back across the log. Trying to pass one of my sisters, I lost my balance and fell straight into the middle of the deep hole.
The fishing had slowed down by that time but that definitely ended it. Those trout were in a different section of the stream after my belly flop.
Fully clothed I started swimming back to shore. As I realized I was going to make it and not die, I heard one overbearing sound above all the rest. My mom's laughter!
Full as a full moon or a wolf howling full throated into the night, it came in waves. Laughter that sounded to me like the Devil himself was cackling!!!
I was pissed!
Fishing pole be damned, I threw it into the trees and cussed at my dear mom (Sorry mom, I deserved it!). After which I made the lonely two mile hike along the roadside back to our campsite.
My tennis shoes going swish, swish, swish for however many hundreds of steps it took. By the time my dad returned to camp to check on me, I had calmed down.
I did apologize to mom later that night for cursing at her, and she also asked forgiveness for hurting my feelings by laughing.
And that's just one example of the many dumb things I've done in life. You can see who I might but probably don't get it from.
Maybe the truth is that we all just do dumb stuff sometimes. And the more we learn to laugh at ourselves, the easier it should be to learn from them. Or at least not beat ourselves up about them.
Hope you enjoyed the tale. No fiction at all. And I'd like to thank a certain someone who helped with the idea of writing this post, but I don't want to put them on blast. I wouldn't want anyone telling my fishing tale except me! (Or mom)
Happy Hiveing!!!
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