The notion of time has always been something strange for me. Sometimes it feels like a river that drags me and it goes fast, sometimes like a heavy stone I try to push forward and seems like the next moment will never come. Time feels independent from me, it is blind and deaf. I am always one step behind it. Is it a trap?
This idea doesn't really help me though. Then I try to think in an alternative way; what if it is not just something that passes, but also something that gives me space to live, to feel, and to understand. I think this is how I exist in time, so in life. Changing my perspective about time, I see an advantage. This shift in perspective can help me to handle and enjoy my emotions, my thoughts and the way I move through my daily life.
I imagine that If everything in my life happened instantly, without taking time, I would lose the meaning behind it. I need time to recognize, accept, embrace and know myself. Time gives me the chance to meet myself and the world around me, to notice what I really feel, and to digest the moments that shape me. Without time, my existence would be so sudden to be and to reflect on. With time, I feel growth. Time provides me with a magnifying glass to see and contemplate between a beginning and an end.
Other than being a catalyst agent, time also serves as a bag for my life. Inside this bag, I only find what I have put in before. My choices and experiences are all stacked inside this bag resulting in labels. When I realized this, I started to pay more attention to the labels I attach to the events, to the people, to my perceptions. For example, I once looked at my bond with family as loyalty, but then I saw how easily it could also turn into an addiction that paralyses me. As a result I am afraid to go out, stay by myself away from my family. This small reframing opened my eyes to what I was really carrying inside my bag.
One of the hardest lessons about time came when I lost my mother. In those days, I believed there was no one left to love me or value me. The pain felt like a wave crashing and pulling me under. But as days and months passed, I began to see things differently. I realized that life is bigger than my family. Life also includes me, and I am inside it. That was not an easy discovery, but time provided tools for it, proving the saying: “Time is the ultimate medicine.”
If I can, I try to see time as my companion during hard times. I must admit it is not easy. When my emotions grow sharp and painful, I imagine myself surfing on waves. The sea is rough, but I try to find my balance. Surfing is not about controlling the water, it is about staying with it. In the same way, I trust time to help me practice, to give me the skill I need. With time, I feel myself getting better at riding those emotional waves. This image keeps me moving forward when everything feels too heavy.
Sometimes, I see time as a stage. On this stage, different scenes of my life play out, and I am the actor. I am glad and lucky to act my humble life on the stage. I take part, I feel, I speak. Being an actor also means I have a script. My script is my values. I decide how to express my emotions and which to keep inside. If the moment feels right, and if sharing my emotions can deepen my connection with someone, then I talk about them. But if the moment feels empty or meaningless, I stay quiet and let the feelings pass. Not every emotion needs to be on stage. Some stay hidden backstage, waiting.
Time also helped me to discover how much self-love matters in my journey. When I make myself beautiful from within, I feel life itself becoming beautiful. When I care for myself, when I accept and love myself, I start to notice how life shines back at me. In those moments, I feel that life also loves me. I am not outside of it. I am included. I am a loved one. Time accompanies me in my journey.
All the best…
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